Hold Me, I'm Scared!

I'm the kind of shitty sex kitten that doesn't wear heels unless someone's committing to spend their life with someone else, so this largely doesn't effect me, but HOLY JESUS the shoes for Spring are nightmare inducing.
WTF!!!
How in the holy heck are you women doing this?? I transition into super bitch if my feet are trussed up in a G rated version of this for a service and a reception!! After one particularly epic wedding I couldn't feel 4 of my toes for almost a week. Two on each foot.

And, I don't know if you can tell, but the heels of these are little pan-African fertility idols. Which seems, somehow, I don't know, a little fucked. But what do I know? I got excited because the bf gave me a vintage Miller Hi Life pin for my birthday.
(It's so rad too, it's of a 6 pack, sweet!)






Anyway check out the NYTimes slide show. You'll see that your choice for shoes is either death defying or ugly as sin.
So...good luck with that.