Wait, NEW NEW

Like, for real new!

I'm doing a mini project where I read all the Little House on the Prairie books and tell you about it.

Come on, it'll be a fun way to spend the winter. You and me, just like old times baby!

Go there now!
Get Psyched on the Prairie!

As always, please email me to correct my spelling and grammar.

Happy Terrorist Fist Jab Day, Ya'll

Can you BELIEVE it's only been a year?? Think about how everyone absolutely swoons at the mere mention of Michelle's name now.

What in gods name is she wearing? Where can I get it? Is it pilates??? And why can't I go pick tomatoes with her in her organic White House garden?!!??

For reals thought, it was only one thin year ago that everyone thought she was an ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (possibly a domestic terrorist) who is NOT PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN.

Check out this Gawker post about how the Obamas have ingeniously emasculated the fist jab by giving daps to whitey. It makes whitey feel cool, and it makes daps less scary.
It's become the 'Bling' of hand gestures.

Well Obvi

Adam Lambert's BF - HOT.

He kind of has a young Johnny Depp as an American Apparel model thing going on, don't you think?

I didn't watch the Idol so I don't really know what the kid sounds like but I do know that the whole internet was all, 'OMG GAYZ????' for months which I though was kind of hysterical.

He's quite obvi gay, right?

Anyway, last night was their first official 'we're gay' outing together, which I think was a pretty well orchestrated way to get everyone to shut up already without having to go all Lance Bass, 'I'm Gay' on the cover of People.

Especially if Lady Gaga is going to be there performing Poker Face live. JEALOUS!

Well, have fun being young, rich, and beautiful boys.

Understandable

The lovely Lady Gaga, newly single lady, wants a barely legal foursome with the Jonas Brothers. Now say what you will about the brothers Jonas but compare and contrast to who I had to squee over when I was a tween. Um, no contest.

Hot on the heels of the blind humping the blind, and the gay male prom queen, check out Sara Wilson's photos of the Texas School for the Blind and Visually Impaired's prom!

I remember last year overhearing a conversation a couple was having as they were reuniting before prom. She grabbed his hand and ran his fingers along the sequins of her dress, to the curls in her hair, and to the strand of pearls around her neck. His response was an exuberant, “Wow, you look so beautiful!” I know that she felt beautiful.

Good News!

For those of us living and humping in California, it's been a rough week. For some unknown, bizzaro-world reason the CA Supreme Court upheld Prop 8, the Constitutional ban on gay mariage. Sigh.

HOWEVER! In a sign that we just need all the old people to die already (sorry old people) Fairfax High, outside LA elected an openly gay MALE student as their Prom Queen. Aw!

"At one time, prom may have been a big popularity contest where the best-looking guy or girl were crowned king and queen. Things have changed and it's no longer just about who has the most friends or who wears the coolest clothes," Garcia told the crowd of seniors. "Sure, I'm not your typical prom queen candidate. There's more to me than meets the eye."

It's really rather heartwarming!

Um, Just In Case You Were Wondering...

Maybe you've seen a porno with women ejaculating (nothing wrong with that). Did your shenanigans meter go off? Were you like, 'Whatever porno, no such thing'?

That's what the British Board of Film Classification said when they saw 2002's British Cum Queens and demanded that a 6 minute lady ejaculation scene be censored. Apparently peeing on someone in an English porno is verboten and that's what they thought it was.

Well guess what Chesterfield Bottomtooth, SCIENCE says, 'Yes indeed, girls can blow a wad!' Check out, Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Female Ejaculation (but Were Afraid to Ask)

Confidential to the ladies: There's some, ahem, 'how to tips' at the bottom if you're interested in spoiling your bedsheets tonight.

The Blind Humping the Blind

Check out this super interesting article about how blind people fall in lust despite not being able to see each other. You're probably thinking it's all very Laura Dern and Rocky in Mask but many blind folk, like most sighted jerks, want to be associated with a hottie, even if they can't appreciate or even imagine what 'blond' means.

'When I was a teenager, I went to a boarding school for blind children where the sound of wildly rushing male and female hormones could be heard on every corridor. I particularly remember a new girl arriving. No one took much notice in her first few weeks... until one lad said they'd heard she was blonde....she suddenly started getting a lot of attention after her hair colour was made known. Of course, few of her admirers could see her crowning glory, or even knew that blonde was a kind of light yellowy brown, but because "blondes" are talked about as desirable...she became very popular.'

So the blind can be superficial (they're people right??) but check this out, the author, Damon Rose, also talks about how good looking sighted people will, apropos of nothing, start describing themselves to him just so he knows they're good looking. 'Some people just can't bear the idea that the blind person in the room won't consider them special or even worth talking to... until they tell you how good looking they are.'

Weird, huh??

Just Saying...

Yes I am one of those obnoxious vegetarians who doesn't eat meat because she feels bad for the piggies and the cows. Look, I've already been derided by more than one farmer so I KNOW, it's a very wimpy stance.

HOWEVER!!! New research is showing that animals all the way down to lab rats have the capacity for empathy, social responsibility and morality. Even inter-species, check this: In 2003, a herd of 11 elephants rescued antelope who were being held inside an enclosure in KwaZula-Natal, South Africa.
The matriarch unfastened all of the metal latches holding the gates closed and swung the entrance open allowing the antelope to escape.

AND

Experiments with rats have shown that they will not take food if they know their actions will cause pain to another rat. In lab tests, rats were given food which then caused a second group of rats to receive an electric shock.
The rats with the food stopped eating rather than see another rat receive a shock. Similarly, mice react more strongly to pain when they have seen another mouse in pain.

I'm totes not saying stop eating meat or whatevs because circle of life, blah, blah, blah, but you know, you could just get some free range eggs. That would be nice.

The Jokes, They Write Themselves

Did you know that the White House has a flickr photostream?? Yeah, they're not all gems but for every, President Obama talks to Prime Minister Blah Blah Wazhisnuts, there's a President Obama talks to a fake pirate.
'I think some new ARRRRRRt work would really jazz this room up.'

In a slightly related note I suggest you read this Planet Money article about the ecconomic system behind all the Somali pirates that were so big last month. People like Rush Limbaugh try to act like it's just 6 teenagers in a speed boat but they're actually highly organized, financed and well planned out business ventures with a very high rate of return for investors.

"Think of it as everything you would need to go into the cruise ship business," Pham says. "Everything that you would need to run a cruise ship line, short of the entertainment, you need to run a piracy operation."

Ah The Glaring Mirror of Technology

I kind of had to laugh when logged into Netflix and they had my movie recomendations sorted into 6 rather specific categories. Here they are in order:

1. Critically-acclaimed Gay & Lesbian Comedies
2. Romantic British Movies Featuring a Strong Female Lead
3. Witty Showbiz TV Comedies
4. Sentimental Father-Daughter Movies
5. Cerebral Foriegn Dramas
6. Local Favorites for Oakland, CA

How is there a whole category of romantic Brittish movies featuring a strong female lead?? I guess I will now have to cede to the boyfriend that I never rent anything he can watch.

2 Great Tastes

Through years of therepy I've gathered the strength to be able to admit it...I love all those shitty auto tune songs. It started inocently enough in 2000 with a little Kasey and JoJo but along with so much of our youth I was never able to turn away.

Some of you must agree because that shit is still everywhere. Even on a mother fucking boat.

So why not...lets bring another great player to the table, my friend and yours, Barack Obama.



Highly recomended.

Finally! Something New in New Faces!

Here she is!!!!

Connie Culp before and after America's 1st and the world's most extensive face transplant. How impressed are you? I mean, come on, that's a big difference.

Connie couldn't blink, smell, eat, drink or FUCKING breath on her own. Now she's back to enjoying her coffee and cookie. That may sound small but think how delicious that would be after 5 years!

She straight up deserves it too. Her dick husband shot her in the face with a shotgun in 2004 in a failed murder/suicide and she lived with that before head for way longer than you could take it.

I also don't want to sound superficial but that's a very nice nose she has now, no? Though she was pretty cute and apple cheeked in the before-before. That's her below.

The whole story is pretty feel good if you're in the mood for that.

To Amuse You

Is this a case of kicking a dog when it's down? Should I feel more sensitive to the beleaguered lot of the Republicans? Or should I just laugh, because, after all, isn't that what clowns are all about...bringing us joy?

via boingboing: Prominent Conservatives with photoshopped on clown makeup. Certainly no more offensive than the photoshopping that goes on in most women's mags. (ouch! Sorry, I hadn't filled my boner-killer quotient for the week.)

You really have to respect the artistry here. I mean, you can, like, see the stubble on Newt's cheek. Check out the flickr page of the genius behind this little piece of heaven.

Elizabeth Edwards, Tells Some

Time has some new excerpts from EE's new book about her lyin' cheatin', God complex havin' husband.

It all started romantically enough when Rielle came up to John in a hotel and said, 'you're hot'.

"...if you had asked me to wager that house we were building on whether my husband of then 28 years would have responded to a come-on line like that, I would have said no."

Even though John said he told her he had a piece on the side before he decided to run for president, she says he waited till 2 days after he announced his candidacy. Shady.
Also, "After I cried and screamed, I went to the bathroom and threw up."
Understandably gross.

Plus he totes tried to play it like they humped once and not, in fact, a whole bunch of times. Which is what was up.
"More than a year later, I learned that he had allowed [the woman] into our lives and had not, even when he knew better, made her leave us alone."

And lets not forget for a second that this woman had and still has the Big C, cancer.

She has, however, let the dog out of the dog house and back into the people house. I don't judge but John Edwards is seriously on my shit list. Just keep him out of politics and away from my face Elizabeth.
Thank you, and get well soon.