Not Fun

Really Fox news??? Really?
Oh and by the way...coincidence.

Just for Fun

swoon, sigh, aw.

I don't think they make condoms that big!

Planned Parenthood is giving these out to everyone in Denver during the DNC, along with a list of 10 reasons to protect yourself from the man.
First of all this is awesome and I hope it gets the message that McCain sucks super hard when it comes to 'women's' issues.

I mean come ON dude!!!!!!!!!
Here's the old man on the connection between AIDS prevention and condoms. You don't exactly need an abacus to figure out that math!

Q: “I mean, I think you'd probably agree it (contraceptives) probably does help stop it (the spread of HIV)?”

McCain: (Laughs) “Are we on the Straight Talk Express? I'm not informed enough on it. Let me find out. You know, I'm sure I've taken a position on it on the past. I have to find out what my position was. Brian, would you find out what my position is on contraception — I'm sure I'm opposed to government spending on it, I'm sure I support the president's policies on it.”

Ugh!!! You suck!

Jennifer Hudson at the DNC

She's singing the national anthem at Invesco, er, I mean, Mile High Stadium.
(Gotta toe the party line people)

I love her!!
I don't, however, love her outfit choices...this is the best I could find, it's like, 'I'm going to sleep on a business casual beach in heaven.'

Finally Something to Believe in!!!!!

Finally the Alien from World Weekly News speaks!
And it's official, Barack Obama for the win!!!!!













I'm soooo relieved that I don't have to worry any more. I mean this Alien is crazy prescient! Maybe our two races have more in common than we once thought.


Oh and, um, Michael Phelps is related to the Bat Boy










Apparently his secret weapon was swooping around Beijing devouring swarms of protein rich mosquitoes.
Smart Phelps.
You have to admit, the resemblance is uncanny.

Lady Lucha Libres!

Do not mess with Bolivia's cholitas luchadoras!
They will kick your ass and not even tip their bowler hat to you when they're done!
Do yourself a favor and check out National Geographic's slide show on these lovely ladies of luchador.

Note to self: Must learn Spanish, must scrounge together enough money to fly to South America, must come up with amazing wrestling alter ego.
That will be the easiest, I'll get back to you soon.

RIP Bernie Mac

I know this is a day late and a dollar short but I do want to give a little respect to Mr. Mac who passed last weekend.

I have love for anyone who can make me laugh but after reading all the tributes to Bernie over the week I have nothing but respect for the man.



This picture above is of him and his wife Rhonda. They met in high school and were married for 30 years.
In People she talked about their high school courtship,

"He said, 'You never seen a black man as pretty as me.' And I said, 'No, I sure haven't.' And he said, 'Girl, you know I'm so beautiful,'" she remembers.

A few months later, on Valentine's Day, he asked her to come to his shop class so he could give her something. When she got there, "I said, 'What do you have for me?' And he kissed me. That was our first kiss." The couple wed in 1977 when both were 19-years-old. Daughter Je'Niece was born the following year.

That alone brings a tear to my eye.

6,000 mourners showed up for Bernie's funeral in Chicago's South Side where he grew up and continued to live even after he became famous. On CNN.come mayor Richard Daley said of Mac,

"He wanted to help get children away from a life of crime and violence...That's why he's the king of comedy. He never lost his soul in Chicago."

I think the best quote though came from came from DL Hugley who said of their time on the road in the Original Kings of Comedy, "Bernie would wear colors that crayons hadn't even thought of yet."

Bye Bernie, and thanks for the laughs and all the great suits.

Through the Looking Glass!

People!!! The 4th wall of Reality TV has come down!!
Actually, maybe it's the 5th or 6th wall...um, what kind of room is reality tv in, a hexagon? Probably more of a rhombus.

Whoa, off topic.
Much, much more importantly, someone I am tangentially acquainted with was on Project Runway! AND, on the very, very, best episode ever; this weeks Good Queen Fun, exclamation mark!

I was watching it late night at the bf's house. I thought he was asleep but OUT OF NO WHERE he bolts up and yells, "That's Steven!" Which scared the bajeez out of me because, as I said, I thought he was asleep.

He only heard his voice, which is uncanny, but low and behold, it was Steven but as his drag alter ego, LeMay!




Jake, who's very sensitive about embarrassing reality tv situations, almost had a heart attack waiting for Steven to get chosen by a designer. Ugh, he got Jerell and then was subjected to this horrible outfit.
Poor Steven!



Steven owns a rad vintage/tshirt/drag supply shop, Retro-Fit, in the Mission that used to sell Headline Shirts and Revel's lines, which Jake is the designer for. Besides selling my boyfriends tshirt designs, he's also known for his ridiculously amazing window displays.

He and Jake even collaborated on this great Flash opener for the Headline Shirts website that's an, I think, hysterical rip off of American Apparel.
You should probably check that out, and maybe buy some tshirts while you're at it.

Long story short I think they fell out a little over Jake's unwillingness to explore his homosexual side but we were still rooting for him to have a rad outfit and a fun time on Runway. ESPECIALLY because Steven's a totally huge Runway fan and throws a huge finale viewing party slash fashion show.

But then he gets the lame designer and the ugly outfit that was totally mocked in the judging. Here's what Tim Gunn said in his blog about this sequin mess, "This look was the biggest loser in my opinion: (Tim Gunn called it the worst dress!!!) The dress was a simple silhouette, albeit jazzed up by the piecing of the sequined fabrics; the green collar was too high and too GREEN for LeMAY's relatively short neck and fair complexion, thereby dwarfing her head and giving her a sickly pallor; and that fringe along the hemline?"

Steven handled the situation well, and I still think he looked great but yikes! It really made me think twice about how awesome it would be to be on a show. Sigh.

Regardless I'm trying to pressure Jake to reconnect with Steven so we can get the inside scoop on all things Runway. Will report back with my findings

Can I take a moment...

To show appreciation for my new style icon?
Her name is Renny and you don't know her because she's on a reality show that only looser reality tv nerds watch, Big Brother.

Despite the obvious handicaps of being on a CBS, summer, reality show, my muse, Renny, (too many commas? I can never tell) NEVER misses a chance to make every moment a borderline costume party.

The best thing about her is that she has the perfect look for EVERY activity. For instance this picture above, coffee and a little game talk?
I wouldn't naturally go for taupe leopard print caftan and a pink doo rag, but it's perfection!
Now get her 2 sugars and a little non dairy creamer!

About to be evicted from the house?? Time to make a good impression, and she is looking hot in her purple flapper dress purchased from the olde tyme photography shoppe.






For hanging off a fake tilting wall for a few hours, what else?
Black spandex? Check! Shiny blue animal/floral print mini dress? Check! Local fire department baseball cap? Check!
How did she fail to win this challenge??


Actually these pictures don't even begin to describe her sartorial awesomeness. All the weirdos who do screen grabs (including cbs.com) are so busy waiting for the Hooter's waitress to bend over in a bikini, that they're missing the best stuff! I swear she had one outfit, complete with head band and sunglasses, that was all different acid washed, pink denims.

I'll search out what screen grabs I can and bring you more in the future!
........................................................................................................................................................

Update! Renny was head of household this week (don't worry about what that is) so they couldn't help but get some photos of her, here's some good ones:
For cutting Dan's hair, a festive multi-colored hair pouf with matching magenta cat glasses and silky top.







And the best yet the festive Mexican top with the bizarrely out of proportion rose. Don't forget the pearl encrusted hoops!!
Yay Renny!

You know you wanna know!!

One time, a few years ago, when I was visiting home I decided to take a pilgrimage to my favorite high school hang out - The New Golden Dawn Diner. It was open all night, you could smoke and you could stay as long as you wanted for the price of a shitty cup of coffee and some fries. I remember one time my friend Danielle and I stayed so long smoking and drinking coffee that when I got home I couldn't sleep at all because my heart was racing and I could barely draw a breath.
Don't smoke, kids, a recessed filter is just a marketing thing.

Anyway, so I drive to the Golden Dawn and get a grilled cheese with tomato and relive some great memories. There's not a lot to do in South Jersey by yourself.

To my absolute delight, in the booth right behind me were two gentlemen eating club sandwiches and discussing what was, and was not, realistic about Jersey mob families as portrayed in the Soprano's.
This was when the Soprano's was on the air and still a big deal.

I know what you're thinking! They weren't really made men, they were just showing off, but I swear, if you could have seen these guys! I could have been staring right at Big Pussy and Paulie Walnuts reflected back to me in the gold flecked wall mirror. It was amazing! Plus real or not, I considered it a great Jersey moment.


I want you to have that moment.

Check out this Salon article where Ondine Galsworth (awesome name) interviews high priced sex workers to gauge how realistic the show "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" is. I thought the most interesting thing they pretty much all said was that she was too hard and that she made the encounters too much about sex. One call girl even claimed that sex was the least important aspect of the transaction. That most men who pay that much really want a nice, sweet girlfriend, just one that goes away when they say to. Interesting.

Long Reads

If you have some time to kill, here's some VERY absorbing and very long articles-

You probably already heard about this month's Atlantic article that's a month by month (and sometimes week by week) break down of just exactly what the hell turned Hilary from a fait acompli into an embittered also-ran. If you haven't read it you should, let's just say, there were cooler heads on the campaign, but they NEVER prevaled. It also actually makes me fear Mark Penn in a way I really shouldn't since, you know, he's a stranger that lives 3000 miles away from me.
Awesome Mark Penn excerpt (about Obama): All of these articles about his boyhood in Indonesia and his life in Hawaii are geared towards showing his background is diverse, multicultural and putting that in a new light.
Save it for 2050.

Nice dude.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then read this awesome New Yorker story about this french guy, Frederic Bourdin, who spent most of his life pretending to be a lost, abused, or runaway children. He takes it so far that one time, on the brink of being discovered he claims to be a missing Texas boy. Yeah he takes it so far that he goes and lives with the family for months even when it becomes pretty clear that the missing boy's mom and brother are probably behind his disapearance.

Check what happens when he gets found out, at 30 (!) and calling himself Francisco, for impersonating a lost and abused 15yr old -

When the police arrived, Chadourne sent the assistant principal to summon Francisco from class. As Francisco entered Chadourne’s office, the police seized him and thrust him against the wall, causing her to panic: what if he really was an abused orphan? Then, while handcuffing Bourdin, the police removed his baseball cap. There were no scars on his head; rather, he was going bald. “I want a lawyer,” he said, his voice suddenly dropping to that of a man.

It's awesome!

Hee, Hee!

I know that Rush Limbaugh has his million man minions but I just can't take him seriously.

The things he says are just so over the top weird, I don't know, they circle back around to satire. Did you hear his comment on the whole John Edwards possibly impregnating but definitely banging a random blond who isn't the cancer-ridden mother of his children?
Check it - "Edwards might be attracted to a woman whose mouth did something besides talk"

And then he goes on to connect the dots (though, I get it dude)

1. Elizabeth is smarter than John
2. Smart women are bossy and never shut up
3. When women talk it's a waste of good tongue flappin
EQUALS: You can convince a woman who is dumber than you to shut up and start sucking your cock

Ah, that brings clarity to the subject! Thanks Rush! Now I totally forgive him for imperiling the future of the Democratic party for four EM-EFFING more years.

Oh, and also I should probably work on my obnoxious smart-mouthy ways if I wanna keep my man meat around.

Sorry for the pot shot, Rush, I'm (kinda) better than that.

Reunited...and it feels so good!!!

Yeah, it's been a little while, but baby, believe me I was thinking of you the whole time.

Yikes, people!! My social life has been fucking with my online life. I can't access blogger from work because apparently they're on to our hijinks (damn them!) and I've developed a nasty (and expensive) after work drinks habit.
I don't know when to say when.

Anyhoo, prepare for a deluge of posts, cause I'm pent up and have a lot to say!!!

Princess Chunky Pt 2

OMG! Princess Chunky with Regis and Kelly!
Kelly Ripa, Princess Chunky and me, all from South Jersey.
Coincidence????
I think SO!

Britain's Missing Top Model

I don't know if you've heard about this show, it's like ANTM but British and, oh yeah, with disabled models.
So not missing like, 'breaking news another white woman is missing', but missing like, missing a limb. They've also kind of stretched it to mean missing like, missing the ability to get up and walk since some of the contestants are paralyzed and what not.
I didn't get to watch it since I'm cable-less but I do know that they crowned a winner!

Here she is, Ms. Kelly Knox, who was born with out her left forearm.

OK so, QUESTION: Being that she's totally beautiful, and who really uses their left arm anyway...would you give up half a non dominant arm to be this hot???

ANSWER: Yes, but only if I could have one of those prostetic claw arms. To be that hot and have a claw would be a total mind fuck. Yes!!!

You know, down there...

Have you been reading all this hoo ha about women being ashamed of their hoo has?

The first time I even heard about there being a difference between 'good looking vaginas' and 'ugly vaginas' was from a quiz in a women's magazine, titled 'Are you ashamed of your genitals?' which totally blew my mind.

I was like, the hell? Honestly I didn't even know there were a bunch of different ways for the dang thing to look. PS. I looked for this bitch all over the internet but couldn't find it, sorry. I'll post it if/when it comes back into my life. It's kind of a trip.

I shelved it, but remembered it later (because we were eating tacos) and asked my then bf what the deal was. Long story short, one of the reasons we aren't together anymore is that he couldn't stand being asked if a lot of women were embarrassed by their vaginas in the middle of a crowded taqueria.

Dating me is not for the easily embarrassed. Sorry Packard.

Anyway now 'vaginal rejuvination' is BIG business. That's everything from, 'having their vaginas tightened, their mons pubis liposuctioned, their labial folds nipped and their clitoral hoods tucked.'
What?

AND! This is all despite the fact that this shit runs up to 10 grand and most, reputable, gynos aggree,

“You’re basically taking a risk for no or very little benefit” with most of these surgeries, says Dr. Thomas G. Stovall, immediate past president of the Society of Gynecological Surgeons. Stovall warns that with labiaplasties and vaginal tightening, patients run the risk of developing infection and scar tissue, which can decrease sensation – or worse, cause pain – in the areas where incisions have been made.

As for the claim that vaginal tightening can enhance sexual gratification, Stovall insists “there is no scientific basis” to support it. “It might make it better for her partners,” says Stovall, but the female patient is taking a risk without much prospect of personal benefit.

So you're out the price of a super nice used car, and not only can you not feel pleasure, sex now hurts. BUT you have the labial folds of a 20 yr old. Nice.

Did you even know??

That the Green Party is running a presidential ticket with 2 women of color???



I know that the Green party is taken about as seriously as Lindsay Lohan's Leggings Line (alteration!) but really! With all the historic election talk and growing recognition of the effects of global warming, you'd really think this would merit a 30 second blurb on the end of the nightly news or half a paragraph somewhere in that liberal rag, the Jew York Times.

I mean, I live here at the corner of state sanctioned sodomy and earth first doggy yoga and today's the first sniff I got of it. I love me some Barak, but I gotta say, I'm feeling pretty tempted to cast my lot with Cynthia and Rosa.
Plus those names don't sound so Muslim.
Just kidding, just kidding.

I will say though, if you live in a lock Democratic state it might not be a bad idea to use your vote to send a message. Not only about race and gender, but about protecting, you know, the planet.
If you're like me, you have all your stuff here, and you don't want it to get all fucked with.