More Plastic Surgery, Gone Horribly Awry

A little advise to you friends - Just because you run out of your own injectable silicon does NOT mean you should just start injecting whatever you have around the kitchen into your face.
Especially, apparently, cooking oil.
Sorry does that seem obvious?
Wait. You mean you don't even have your own supply of injectable silicon and your own set of hypodermic needles? Weird.

Record Breaking Weirdness

This lovely, half naked, English lady is Sara Burge. She has just broken the world record for plastic surgery with more than 100 procedures.
What's really weird is her motivations. Her first surgeries were reconstructive after being beaten and left for dead. Sorry Sara, that horrible.

But the next hundred? To look like Barbie.
What?

Then the second weird part is that she claimed her most modified title from Cindy Jackson who got all her plastic surgery to look like Barbie too.

I do not blame Barbie.

Body Parts! Gross!

3 years ago I read this article in the NYTimes about early research into face transplants while I was high, and it totally freaked me out. Actually the Times had a bunch of scary articles around that time, like this one about human/animal amalgams used for medical purposes.
Way to freak me out Times. Yikes!

Um, anyway so I got totally icked out, but then before you know it face transplants are a go! And it's only really freaky because the 1st person they chose to get a donor face ended up being this suicidal French woman whose dog ate half her face off after she tried to overdose on painkillers.
I guess the face eating woke her up. As it would.

News today from East Coast correspondent Jeff, the Krauts bring us the 1st double arm transplant. How weird would that be to have no arms for 6 years (stupid farm machinery) and then to wake up with 2 arms that weren't even yours but that you could use.

Obvi it would be awesome to be able to like go to the bathroom by yourself again, but what a trip! I just hope they didn't use criminal mastermind arms because maybe you can control one arm but you're no match for 2 evil arms. What, are you going to foot wrestle them??

You know, down there...

Have you been reading all this hoo ha about women being ashamed of their hoo has?

The first time I even heard about there being a difference between 'good looking vaginas' and 'ugly vaginas' was from a quiz in a women's magazine, titled 'Are you ashamed of your genitals?' which totally blew my mind.

I was like, the hell? Honestly I didn't even know there were a bunch of different ways for the dang thing to look. PS. I looked for this bitch all over the internet but couldn't find it, sorry. I'll post it if/when it comes back into my life. It's kind of a trip.

I shelved it, but remembered it later (because we were eating tacos) and asked my then bf what the deal was. Long story short, one of the reasons we aren't together anymore is that he couldn't stand being asked if a lot of women were embarrassed by their vaginas in the middle of a crowded taqueria.

Dating me is not for the easily embarrassed. Sorry Packard.

Anyway now 'vaginal rejuvination' is BIG business. That's everything from, 'having their vaginas tightened, their mons pubis liposuctioned, their labial folds nipped and their clitoral hoods tucked.'
What?

AND! This is all despite the fact that this shit runs up to 10 grand and most, reputable, gynos aggree,

“You’re basically taking a risk for no or very little benefit” with most of these surgeries, says Dr. Thomas G. Stovall, immediate past president of the Society of Gynecological Surgeons. Stovall warns that with labiaplasties and vaginal tightening, patients run the risk of developing infection and scar tissue, which can decrease sensation – or worse, cause pain – in the areas where incisions have been made.

As for the claim that vaginal tightening can enhance sexual gratification, Stovall insists “there is no scientific basis” to support it. “It might make it better for her partners,” says Stovall, but the female patient is taking a risk without much prospect of personal benefit.

So you're out the price of a super nice used car, and not only can you not feel pleasure, sex now hurts. BUT you have the labial folds of a 20 yr old. Nice.

Hello and welcome friend!

I'm not "working" and so I'm getting "stupid" and "lazy".
That's a fact.
Or wait, not in like a provable math and science kind of way but I know what's up.
I know.

None the less I'm still psyched and such.
I will be sharing with you events from my life

example: I dreamed last night that I had participated in the Ms. Preteen New Jersey pageant (is there such a thing? I'm sure there is) and I went to a reunion. At said reunion a guy from high school who I had lust/disgust feelings for, we'll call him Mike, since that's his name, told me I was finally hot enough to fuck. I was like, 'uh, thanks, uh, I have a boyfriend' I didn't know what to say because I didn't know if that was meant as a really inappropriate invitation or as a really inappropriate compliment.
That mystery will remain unsolved

I will also share whatev I'm psyched on
examples: weight loss surgery, botched plastic surgery (really any kind of surgery) people with OCD and Tourettes, reality TV gossip, things that happen in the Bay Area, things that happen in Philadelphia and New Jersey, funny outfits and such.

Get my drift?
Sweet.

So... Here's my favorite woman in the world (not like in an Oprah, Ellen Sirleaf Johnson kind of way, you know)
Jocelyn Wilderstein. Must. Check. Out. This. Interview.

"You might be well advised during your convalescence to work up a few signals to replace the expressions you've lost in your face. (If of course the surgery is done right.) I twiddle the fingers on my left hand to show joy and use one finger on the right hand to express displeasure but you will have many isolated weeks to find symbols that work for you."

via happywomanmagazine.com

Ah-mazing