Lady Chatterley's Lov-ah...Is a Huge Dick

I'm reading Lady Chatterley's Lover on my commute, I'm very into the whole, 'dead white guy' genre, and it's one of those ones you should read. Right?

So through the whole thing I've been totally on the side of Connie's eponymous lover, the studly grounds keeper, and against her husband, the Proust spouting imperialist cripple. I mean, Lawrence makes it pretty clear who you're supposed to like, it's not rocket science.

HOWEVER! This morning Mellors (studly grounds keeper) went off on a RANT about all the ways women can be horrible in bed which encompass every single sexual encounter he's had.
Mellors and I are no longer cool, I don't care how many times he bathes himself in the wood on a spring morning!

Here's the list of ways women can suck at sex, as I see them, followed by a doozie of of a racial epithet!

1. The 'old fashioned sort' who don't want sex but will lie still and take it and then be nice to you afterwards. He hates that.

2. The kind of woman who pretends to like sex but doesn't. Doesn't like that either.

3. Women who love sex and foreplay but won't let you come inside them. Unnatural!

4. Women who can't come from sex alone and need to get themselves off. The worst kind, they're 'a hard sort'. He uses 'beak' to describe their vagina's like 8 times.

5. Women who are dead inside.

And, drum roll please.....

6. Lesbians. "I could kill them. When I'm with a woman who's really a Lesbian, I fairly howl in my soul wanting to kill her."

Uh, totally not the worst part. Here's how he ends the conversation, "I thought there was no real sex left: never a woman who'd really come naturally with a man (meaning when he comes) except maybe black women, and somehow, well, we're white men: and they're a bit like mud."

Yikes Mellors! When Connie goes to visit her family in Venice she should totes stay. Both of these dudes SUCK!!!