Sorry I Was Gone

Sickness, Philadelphia, and the Holidays.
But I'm back, kinda.

Face Transplant Photos

There aren't any.
Here's a graphic.











The only new news is that she was so effed up that she couldn't blink, eat or breath without a hole in her windpipe. Yikes!

Everyone's all, 'Waaah! You shouldn't do life threatening surgery on conditions that aren't life threatening.' But SHIT! Give the poor woman a new face already!

More details as they ooze through the bandages.

Everything's Weirder in Texas

Picture it...you're a retired orthopedic surgeon. Got that? What else...oh! You have tons of time on your hands and tons of love in your heart for your wife and, of course, Jesus. Logical next step?
Get out your gilt and lacquer and lay siege to your house!



























Oh yeah, that's what Dr. Anthony Walter did. All the pictures are re-imaginings of olde time paintings, staring his wife. Something, something, honoring God through loving up his woman. I can get behind that. Though naturally, I would be mortified and never let anyone in the house.

I sincerely request your presence at the viewing of the NYTimes slide show. You will not be disappointed.

Half Bummer Half Uplifting Story of Healing

I don't know if you know this or not, but the reason that Adam Walsh hosts America's Most Wanted, and in fact the only reason there is an America's Most Wanted, is that Walsh's 6yr old son was abducted and gruesomely murdered in 1981. Sad.

Until today the murder was unsolved which is crazy town, that's 27yrs!!!

I have a soft spot for Adam in my heart because I always used to watch Cops and AMW on Saturday nights while I was getting ready to go out. That is, until I started having nightmares and checking the door locks 10 times a night.

So congrats, I guess. Though the sucky thing is, is that Walsh was right the whole time about who the murderer was, this drifter slash serial killer but the cops wouldn't bite. He even wrote a whole book about their ineptitude called, "Tears of Rage".
I think that title says it all.

What's New in New Faces

Well we've FINALLY caught up to the damn frogs in the face transplant dept, and weirdly it was the work of Cleveland, OH.

All they're telling is that they replaced 80% of the woman's face (why is it always a woman?). No pictures, no horrific face mangling story. Just a bunch of blah, blah, ethical concerns, blah blah, graft v. host. BORING!!!!!!

There will be a press conference tomorrow to talk it out. If there's pictures I'll post.

You Better Work!

Here's everything I love -

















Well minus my family, friends, boyfriend, cheese and crackers, reality tv and sleeping in but, you know.

Come on! It's RuPaul as Michelle and Barack Obama! Awesome.

She's promoting something, something, something, wait! It's a reality show competition for drag queens!

Holy cow it is everything I love!

Beards!!!

I'm a great big fan of mustaches so I was completely delighted when special correspondent Tom shared the delights of Erin Dollar's homemade beards with me.
Homemade beards!!!










They're all amazing!!! And felt! And yarn!












Dear Erin Dollar...marry me, we'll make beautiful facial hair together. But uh, no hanky panky. Well, it depends on the beard.

Bad News for Collider Fans

Which I know you totally are.
There's been no new Large Hadron Collider news out of CERN because of some completely incomprehensible (to me) helium leak.














See: (The) failure damaged the plumbing that pipes liquid helium around the system to keep the superconducting magnets at a chilly -271 °C. Large amounts of helium vaporised, causing several magnets to heat up and damaging nearby equipment with the sudden burst of pressure.

Maybe it's good news though since it keeps those pesky outbreaks of mini black holes at bay.

Suck it String Theory!

Physicists are starting to seriously float the idea that instead of the Universe starting with the Big Bang it maybe could have started with a Big Bounce. Instead of starting as a point of infinite density that exploded into everything, it could have begun as another collapsed Universe which, after collapsing, exploded into everything.

















Of course they could just have a boner for loop quantum cosmology because it makes their math easier.

Um, RIP Anna Nicole Smith??

The monument's been unveiled for Anna Nicole and her son.




















It's really worth your time to click the link. If only to read the inscriptions.

Best. Dr. Phil. Ever.

I'm sorry Oprah, but these day's when I get home from work and am confronted with the tivo choice between you and Dr. Phil...4 out of 5 it's the bald one.

And yesterday...yesterday he had on women who craft unnervingly real looking baby dolls and then create nurseries for them. It's called reborning.
No I haven't heard of it either but here's a pull from reborndollhouse.com:
Some people find these dolls downright creepy. But collectors feel there’s nothing unusual about their passionate hobby. We tend to agree as this is truly an extraordinary talent that a reborn artist should be proud of. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion and we respect that as well.

They're freakishly real looking. And by real, I mean, they really look like dead babies.















And today he's having on a couple who's fighting because the wife believes she's a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Just like me!!!!

Thank you god for the gift of Dr. Phil five days a week.

Just, ew.

From Gawker, Rush Limbaugh is getting married...to a woman only one year older than me. For some reason I'm personally offended.
















I understand that he's rich or whatever, but just, ew. Plus you know he won't let you change anything in the house around and he's prob like, 'blah, blah, blah, blah' constantly, like even in bed.

I just really don't get women who will marry the richest most disgusting person they can find. I guess she's hoping to divorce well.

Pickle Visits the North Pole!

Here's Pickle the pug with her 2 friends the squirrel and the snowy owl at the North Pole.















As you know everything disgusts Pickle, including trips to exotic locals.

Who I'm Stalking Lately

The man that I'm currently stalking is someone I would usually consider a 'desperate cry for attention' (DCA). Why? Well he's never to be seen without one of what I realized is a series of tri-cornered hats.
Seen left on Hugh and Mel.

Yes, an 18th century colonial American tri cornered hat! He has one in leather (!) and 2 in felt. When I'm running late for work I frequently see him in the last car of the BART to SF.

So at 1st I was like, 'Ugh total DCA wearing a leather tri-cornered hat at 8:30am.' but now I sort of applaud his committment to doing what he wants.

A big break in his identity came on Friday when I saw him in a group picture promoting a company wide happy hour at 111 Minna. OMG! He works at the Academy??? I must know for sure. So this morning I spotted him with glee and brazenly sat RIGHT NEXT to him. I've come to preffer the leather tri-corner, but he was wearing the navy blue felt. I then proceeded to inwardly giggle for 20min.

I tracked him out of the BART station but the findings were inconclusive. He doesn't work in my building, or the one across the street. But the Academy has about 1,000 locations all over SF so the hunt continues!!!

Et Tu Barbie??

I'm going to preface this whole post by saying that I'm a huge Barbie fan. Ms. Barbie was by FAR my favorite toy as a child. BY FAR.
So it is with hilarious affection that I introduce you to the 6 greatest Barbie gaffes.

For instance, how fucking out of touch does every single employee of Matel need to be to let the first black Barbie be sponsored by Oreo! You have to admit it almost circles around to awesomely meta.

























And here's Earing Magic Fun Ken, who's ostensibly Barbies main stud but has become the best selling Ken of all times. Because of the Gays, obvi.

Happy Holidays!

Ack, can't look, too perfect.
I feel in adequate.





















Oh, phew! Proving once and for all that we're all human...check out the sleeves on Michelle's monstrosity. Love you girl!

Monkey Biz-Nassss!

It's Friday people, go ahead and treat yourself to some amazing monkeys via cuteoverload



















I'd totally buy this perfume, it really speaks to my lifestyle.
































This monkey, 2012

Big in Japan

This is REALLY a must read, via themorningnews.
The top 60 most popular phrases in Japan this year. They are truly amazing!

Here's 2 of my favorites:

9. Hime-den (姫電): This abbreviation of hime-denwa (lit. “princess phone”) describes a garish style of mobile phone decoration popular with junior high and high school girls. Hime-den are typically decorated with glitter, fake jewels, ribbons, lace, and little teddy bears.

















JEALOUS! Kind of.


16. Taste for middle-aged men (karesen - カレセン): An abbreviation of “kareta ojisan senmon” (lit. “specialty in withered old men”), “karesen” refers to the particular preference some young women have for middle-aged or older men who are calm, unassuming, and lack sex appeal. This type of man is the subject of a photo-heavy book entitled “Karesen,” which profiles a host of dandy gents and extols their virtues.

WHAT!? Specialty in withered old men! Who lack sex appeal?? And there's a coffee table book!?!
Plus there's like 5 different phrases that refer to cartoon or plush mascots for everything from jury duty awareness to the 1,300th Anniversary of the Nara-Heijokyo Capital.

Orange Mocha Frappachino!!!!!

OMG!!!!!! Zoolander sequel!!!!!!
confirmed by Ben Stiller!!!
Only my favorite movie of all times!!!!!

Dear Ben Stiller, if you fuck this up I will never be able to experience happiness again.
Love,
Psyched and Such

Holy Cow!!!

Aw! Baby!
Yeah, well guess what? This 1 year old Saudi Arabian girl is PREGNANT!!!!!
Don't start screaming child abuse cause you know that's not even possible with an infant. It's just a simple case of an absorbed twin. Yes she's carrying her own parasitic twin in her UTERUS.

If that doesn't blow you mind then I just don't know what will, you jaded monster.

My Nemisis, Fog

Basically the entire reason I moved to California (though of course there was also a man involved) was to get more sunshine and less snow in my life. I came from Pittsburgh, PA which has 300 days of rain, sleet, snow or hail per year.
That's only 65 days of sun!

It's sort of worked, it doesn't rain in the Bay Area for about 7 months out of the year, but there's the omni present fear of FOG!!!

Most people when they think of SF and fog they think of this...















Oh! How beautiful! Or they think of Carl Sandburg's semi famous poem about fog in SF -

The fog comes
on little cat feet

It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on

Wow! Sounds great, I'll take two.
But here's what fog is really like on the ground...















It's dark, it's damp and it's depressing and it's here all week. Booooooo! Boo fog!

A Moment for Mumbai

Check out the Big Picture today for some unbelievable photos from the aftermath of the 60hr gunman attack on Mumbai.













Almost unbelievably, this man was shot at 5 times and was saved by the belt he was wearing!!!












Muslims release doves at a peace rally.

Picture 22 has been getting a lot of press in the media first as the face of suffering for the Mumbai attacks and subsequently to illustrate what white centric, imperialist, devils we are. Check it out.

Does This Make You Feel Less Safe???

From Gawker -
The lovely ladies of Barack's National Security team are short!!!








What if there's hand to hand combat?! How will they stare down Vald Putin?? What if the 3am call comes on a phone that's on a really high shelf?

But seriously, people...this gets a 'bitch please!' No one had a phone book, dictionary, milk crate or pair of Dansko's handy? This is your National Security team Barry, don't make them look like they just got up from the kiddie table in the kitchen.

Tina Fey - Cover Girl

Tina - so cute on the cover of Vanity Fair. Points off for being written by Maureen Dowd but whatev...it's still Tina.

“Annie (Liebovitz)’s going to photograph my soul, right?”

Haha! No! But don't worry Tina, Photoshop will make you look weird and alieny.

Crafts

I'll Shake Your City

You might be aware, since the movie Milk is opening today, that today's also the 30th anniversary of the assassination of Harvey Milk and George Moscone. What's crazy is that their murders happened only 9 days after the mass suicides of Jonestown in Guyana.
Guyana's obvi not in SF but basically everyone who moved down there was from SF plus there was a political and journalistic contingent there that got all shot up and murdered too.

It's kind of amazing to think of 2 such insane things happening here in such a short amount of time. I mean NOTHING happens here anymore. Well, everyone's hard at work developing new ways for you to waste time on facebook and with your iPhone, but that's about it.

Check out the Chronicle's 3 part series on '10 days that shook the city'
It will BLOW YOUR MIND!!!!!!!

Who's Getting Pardoned Today

Bush rolled out his next round of pardons today.
The pardon of Pecan and Pumpkin (shown) appear to have been made on human right grounds.

From Japan, Obvi

Be careful not to singe the fluffiness.

This is to make up for posting those two depressing stories this morning.

Mail Man Get's Probation, My Admiration

Here's another poor bastard for you! Why don't you give thanks you aren't Steven Padgett, a North Carolina mailman who for years hadn't been delivering anyone's junk mail.
Good!

Poor guy couldn't keep up with the tight schedule the Postal Service made him keep so he started only delivering 1st and 2nd class mail. The rest was hidden in his garage or BURIED in his backyard. Whoa!
Check out this picture

That's a lot of junk mail!!
He was facing 3 years in jail and a $250,000 fine but luckily he only got probation.



Um, 3 years in jail for not delivering junk mail? Really? What he should have gotten was some home baked cookies and a hug!

You Seem 'Nice'

On BART this morning I spotted this headline in the newspaper of the guy in front of me:

'Nice guy' fatally shot outside S.F. bar

The quotes are meant to represent what friends said about him, but doesn't it just seem sarcastic? Plus then this is the photo they run of the poor guy -

This is his very last chance to make an impression on the world and this is what he gets??? Sarcastic 'nice guy' quotes and then probably the worst picture ever taken of him.

Plus he was shot out on Broadway in SF where all the strip clubs are, in front of a smut shop, which he will now always be associated with. I do not want my memorial anywhere near strip clubs and drunk horny tourists.

So, RIP Richard Barrett, sorry you got such a bum rap. You seemed so 'nice', plus the article says that your drink was Patron and that's my fancy drink of choice too.

Turkey

Who's Getting Pardoned

George Bush is so weird! I will never get over it!
One second he seems like the embodiment of a sneer, and the next he just seems like this goofy, oblivious guy happy just to be around.

Evidence of goofy obliviousness.

Oh hey, Paul, congrats on that Nobel Prize! Now what did you win that for again??? I forgot, well good job anyway!

Related: How cute is Paul Krugman in this photo? Answer: Of woodland gnome-like proportions!






I also expected so pretty evil pardons coming off Bush's desk.
Maybe they're still to come but here's who got pardoned this week - Leslie Owen Collier who plead guilty to killing 3 bald eagles with poisoned hamburger meat, and Fugees collaborator and drug smuggler John Forte. It's weird that he's pardoning Collier, since, you know, bald eagles = freedom, but as far as I can tell it's because his motivations were anti-environmentalist. I guess.
Forte apears have been pardoned because he went to Exeter which is a schmancy private academy for rich people in New Hampshire.

The rest of the list is some dirty bankers, a whole lot of drug related offences for some reason, and more hunters. Plus unlawful use of food stamps. Weird!

Scary!!! Even Without Swords

So you know how on Sunday guards at the Scientology Celebrity Center in Hollywood shot and killed that guy who ran towards them screaming and waiving a 5ft Samurai sword?

I know we all hate on Scientology but you would have totes shot him too! Not only is 5 feet of sword rather a lot, but look at this dude!!

Okay, neck tatoos, fine, I've seen lots of those on very nice people. The severeness of the hair cut lends an air of control freakiness and the flavor saver an air of douchery.
But the eyes people! This man is not thinking about puppies or picking up the groceries. Those eyes say I'm out to do some BIBLICAL shit, watch out!

Pilgrims

2 Great One's From Page 6

1. From ODB's Mom:
"My son would have been at that rally in Chicago when the first African- American president was elected, and I'm sure he would have gone up onstage and grabbed the microphone as only he could,"
Aw, RIP Old Dirty Bastard. BTW, did you know he had 13 kids?? Yowza!

2. A 40 yr old, Upper West Side Rabbi paid $2,500 in a charity auction to go on a date with Oksana Baiul.
"Well, I'm single, it's for charity, and she seems like a nice Jewish girl. I guess I'm the luckiest guy in my congregation."
Good luck with that Rabbi!

A Bush Does Something Cute

Not that kind of bush, and not that kind of bush either, yeesh! The lady Bush twins took Sasha and Malia on a tour of the White House and they all jumped on the beds. C'mon...that's cute.

Plus as I predicted, Sasha and Malia will be going to Sidwell Friends. I didn't go to a Quaker high school but I lived in a Quaker town and our sports teams were the Quakers so I highly endorse this turn of educational events.
Go Quakers!

Why Am I Never Invited to the Guinea Pig Festival???

I guess because it's held every year in Peru, a country I've never been too. Must change that.

There's costumed guinea pigs in guinea pig fashion shows.
He's a miner!!!




























And good guinea pig eatin'!













What more could you want!?
Check out the whole slide show, but the last two pictures rather graphically depict guinea pig cuisine. You've been warned.

Oh!!!! Super Nasty!

From FFFFOUND a whale decomposes on a city street. Don't have more info cause everything's in Russian, but, you know, what more do you need to know?
Do check out the Russian site though, it's all about over turned tractor trailers!
Awesome!!!

From the Dept. of Awwwwww!

I usually hate hearing about pets who get expensive medical treatments while 10 zillions of Americans go uninsured. but, good lord! What's cuter than this??????

This little differently abled bunny, Ethel, came down with a mystery illness earlier this year that left her back legs paralyzed. Months of bunny depression followed but sweet Ethel is back on her paws with this custom made cart.

While near the top of the cuteness charts, I will say bunnies make shitty pets. My friend Erin and I had a bunny, Mr. Bun, and it seemed that Mr. Bun's only goal in life was to pee on everything I owned, knock over my mixed drinks and bite me.
He was kind of a jerk. I'm sure Ethel is much better behaved.

The Great White Jail

That's what Margret Truman called the White House while her dad was the prez. You don't need to take a college course to tell you that it's weird for your dad to be the Commander in Chief of the GD free world, and to live in the White House.





Maybe that's why Tad Lincoln struck back by idling away the hours kicking balls at mirrors. Sounds like fun right?

Celeb Randomnicity

Prince likes carrot soup. Wonder how his house is decorated??
"a Lucite grand piano with a gold-colored “Artist Formerly Known as Prince” symbol suspended over it... New Age music [plays] in the living room, where a TV screen shows images of bearded men playing flutes... purple thrones on either side of a fireplace, and, nearby, along a hallway, photographs of himself, in a Moroccan villa, in various states of undress."


Everyone loves Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock, but for REALS the guy is a total dick. NY Mag asked him how it was kissing Jennifer Aniston on last weeks episode, to which he gallantly replied, "It was painful, I mean, every man who's had to make out with her in TV and movies — I don't know how they do it."
Nice dick. You scream obscenities at your daughter with that mouth?

















RiRi and Chris Brown get matching-ish tattoos.