Sorry I've Been Gone!

There's only a few times a year that work gets all coo-coo bananas, but this is one of them.
Since work has traditionally been my time to post... you get the picture. I'm being forced to work instead of troll the internet. Le sigh.
That's French for the sigh.

In the mean time, I give you: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

and also, beware of Zombies!

Basically, Zombies. But don't say it too many times in your head. It's one of those words that looses all meaning after you say it 4 times.

I Will Try to Come Up With New Topics Soon....

But for now, a Chia Obama head would really brighten up my winter.

Pets in Uniform???

Yes please!!
For the love of god if you have a pet please pay for this service and send me the resulting pics.
As the website sagely notes, 'This could be your pet'

Bush Becomes Obama

8 long ass years ago when Bush was elected some hippies covered up all the signs for Bush St. in San Francisco with the word Puppet. I'm not sure who he was supposed to be a puppet of (Special interests? Oil companies? The DEVIL!) but I was 23 and I thought it was sooooooo cool.

In retrospect it was kind of lame because everyone in SF voted for mother fucking Ralph Nader which is how all these problems started in the 1st place. Oh Ralph how I long to sucker kidney punch you.

Well anyway, new administration, new set of pranksters and last night all the signs for Bush were pasted over with 'Obama'.
This time however, I approve, because I'm obsessed with new black President and because this picture from flickr is adorable!!!




























Where do I get the big head Obamas shirt??????

CA State Studs

Also via Jezebel















Magic, Gavin, Arnold and Kevin, you are looking fine. And not fine like passable, but fine like fi-yun!

Uh, Did You See Don King at the Inauguration?

via Jezebel

Happy New Black President!!!

I'm sure it feels as surreal to you as it does to me.
The most surreal feeling is that I have nothing sarcastic to say, which is unnerving.

So lets all just hold hands (metaphorically, I'm alone in the office now) hum the 'America the Beautiful' and enjoy the NYTimes slide show.
Here's my faves:

1. The Obamas and Bidens waving good bye to the Bushes as they leave Washington
























They're all, 'Don't let the door knob hit ya, where the dog shoulda bit ya!'

2. Aretha and her nonpareil hat show you how it's done!!!















In the immortal words of JayZ, 'You need to R E S P E C T me' Which is kind of similar to the way Aretha said it but it sounds a lot different coming out.

3. I kind of have a weird crush on Chuck Rangel














And now you do too!

Enjoy Your Weekend

This week is giving me the finger in my rear view mirror.
Sorry if I scared you with the clown GMH.

Ice, Snow and 1 Billion Chinese

You can't imagine how hard it was to keep from titling this post, 'Ice, ice, baby'.














This is an awesome photo from the anual Harbin International Ice and Snow Sculpture Festival, in Harbin, China. It looks cold but insane and probably a good place to take drugs. Not that you should.
Hugs not drugs.
Just not me, I'm not that big on hugs.
Unless we're really good friends, which we probably are since no one reads this blog.

Anyway! Check out the slide show from Boston.com's the big picture. Possibly not safe for work though cause there's randomly some pictures of people skinny dipping in frozen lakes. I'm looking at you Belarus!

McCain...Still Bumming Me Out

An 'impeccably placed source' told Page 6 that female human Cindy McCain was in early talks to go on Dancing with the Stars!!!

OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!

But guess what, tv watching American public, it ain't gonna happen. Yeah, John put the kibosh on that right away, even though she (supposedly) was super super into it.


It's like, if you won't let me be president then nobody has fun. GEEZ dude, lighten up!

Putin Paints!

Not a huge Vlad Putin fan.
He's got that weird evil thing going on, but to me his name sounds kind of dirty. So...he has that to recommend him. I can't think of another dirtier sounding head of state surname. Not now that Vajpayee is no longer driving Pakistan's ship.
It's pronounced Vadge-pie. Hee!

Since Putin fake stepped down as Russia's #1 he's been putting out all this manly press about himself, usually about being shirtless and killing something or driving something powerful and heavy. But, like Hitler (too soon?) he has a softer art faggy side to him. He paints, but unlike Hitler (sorry it's true) he is a shitty artist.














So, so, so bad. Like something a 8 year old girl would paint and not in an outsider art kind of way. These paintings are (literally) screaming out for a magnet and a fridge to put it on, but they'll be auctioned for charity so I guess that's good.

Schaden-Fergie

A special post for Special Correspondent Cormac who loathes the Black Eyed Peas with all his heart and soul...
THIS! Is Fergie's wedding invitation!!!


"The artwork had leaves and hidden details like a unicorn and the invites were decorated with crystals."

Did you find the hidden unicorns?????

Boobs

Don't you love Dolly? She was the 1st thing that came to mind when I needed to illustrate breast feeding. You know, cause of her big boobs.

I got a little off track searching for photos of her but I really wanted to direct you to this article about the history of breastfeeding in the Western world. I know, it sounds like a total buzz kill but it's really interesting. Swear!

Did you know that at the turn of the 20th century racist scientists did 'experiments' to prove that white women's milk was less nutritious than black women?
What, why?? Because (of course) white women were more 'evolved'. Duh. Breast feeding was too animalistic for the average Gilded age snowflake.
Suddenly all the milk in all the white boobs in America 'dried up', and white women refused to breast feed. Till it became cool again, it's really weird.

But ugh, I made it even more of a buzz kill by bringing race into it didn't I?

Criminally Fancy

A lot of people dress their dogs up right? I see it all the time. Not this dressed up but...
Well the Brittish ASPCA (RSPCA) are threatening legal action against people who over dress their doggies.

I know, blah, blah, animal welfare but dogs knew what they were getting themselves into when they naturally selected themselves for our pleasure.

I mean check out the cuteness factor on Tori Spelling's beloved pug Mimi LaRue dressed up as Annie!






















This post is dedicated to Ms. LaRue who passed away last June.
She was a star and a true lady, and she will be missed greatly - Tori Spelling

What? Guide Ponies for the Blind?

How have I never heard of this???
There was a post on Cuteoverload about it, and how bad does this picture make you wish you were blind enough to need a mini pony guide???
Answer: Super













What about this!!??













Of course, it's hard to go wrong with the gold standard of helper pets, the be-smocked monkey.

2 English Hoarders

Whose hoarding killed them.

This is a warning people, you haven't worn that sweater in a year, for the love of god, take it to the Goodwill!!!

















A spinster who obsessively hoarded clothes died in her home after a mountain of suitcases fell on her, burying her alive.

An eccentric loner is believed to have died of thirst after becoming trapped in a bizarre and intricate network of tunnels built from rubbish in his home. Investigators believe the labyrinth was so complicated that Gordon Stewart, 74, may have become lost inside it. It is thought he may have died as a result of dehydration, after becoming unable to find his way out of the stinking mass.

I know you don't want to be memorialized as a 'shopaholic spinster'.

Just Checking!!!!

Last night my friend Neil remarked that he'd much rather fuck my boyfriend than me, and it reminded me that gay men have always shown a certain appreciation for my man friend.

Then I remembered that he also drinks a lot of mixed drinks...what does it all mean?????



Luckily while reading about last night's riot in Oakland over the BART shooting (so NOT becoming a BART cop now) I found this helpful quiz to take.
Is your man gay?

Usually you would think you could answer that on your own, but better safe then sorry.

Hmmm. He failed the question about liking ABBA and having gay friends, but luckily he passed on never having kissed another man and as luck would have it he doesn't own a huge collection of gay porn.
But wait!!! He likes to cook, yikes!

Out of delicacy I won't report the final scoring but we WILL be having a serious talk tonight.

note: the boyfriend is totes and obvi straight and okayed the publishing of this post.

Let's Talk About Sex

If you're like me (and who isn't) you're super into Jared Diamond, the weirdly facial haired guy who wrote 'Guns Germs and Steel' my most favorite book.
To read stoned.
No just kidding, it's awesome even if you're sober.

Well Jared's got a lot of opinions on a lot of subjects and a lot of research to back that shit up.
Reading his work makes you interesting at parties.

Since that's my only goal in life, I've been reading this awesome article from 1993 (!) on why sex is fun. (though Jared would say, 'why women don't conspicuously ovulate' which in itself is not as fun to say.)

Read it, memorize a statistic and impress someone at a party!

Jimmy Carter Looks Really Old

I've Never Irrationally Wanted Something So Much in my Life

OMG, dorky must have oil painting!!!

Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy in BBC's Pride and Prejudice. From fake Pemberly hall to my studio apartment for a mere 7000 pounds.

That's only $10,523.60!!!

Brad, You've Officially Won Me Over

Okay, I was mad about the the Angelina thing. I ADMIT it.

I know it's much cooler to hate on Jen and love the new perfect, gorgeous, globe-trotting, do-gooding, ethno-blended family. BUT! I've always been team Jen. Perhaps I've watched too many Friends reruns.

However, it's 2009 now and perhaps time to leave the old bitterness behind us. Behind me.
Plus, Mr. Pitt can be winning. (and hot) First he donates 100k to the fight to stop prop 8, and now, on a totally different front, he insists on having Chuck Close photograph him for this months W magazine.

Swoon!!

Also winning me over, these quotes from the story:

Tilda Swinton, who plays Button’s first love interest (in Benjamin Button) “I had the problematic task of delivering the line, ‘So you’re a seaman?’... Even inside high-end Hollywood latex, I saw Brad’s eyes light up. The game was on.”

...his Make It Right Foundation in New Orleans is building homes for residents displaced by Hurricane Katrina, and the program may expand to low-income neighborhoods nationwide...

In the late Nineties he was something of a slacker, “spending too much time smoking things I shouldn’t be,” Pitt recalls.

heehee!!

Just for this January, those old dairy-hippies have changed the name of their butter pecan to 'Yes Pecan!' which is adorable. Though butter pecan is a disgusting flavor.

I'm sure if there was a Conservative ice cream conglomerate they'd rename their Cookies and Cream, 'Socialist Negro' or something offensive and then swear it was that one black guy who works there's idea.


Get it, Cookies and Cream, Oreos?
Was that already obvious?

Islamic Millitants Mock Bush's Dead Cat

Which, is kind of awesome in a weird way. Haven't we all gotten a little bored of the same old haterade day in and day out?

Sez one militant who shares my love of sarcasm but not my love of freedom:
"For God's sake, could someone tell us where the wake is to be held?"

heehee!