Some of the Kinds of People There are at Shows

photo via Flickr


1. The person who snakes through the crowd just so they can stand in front of you. Now if you're me, and you are short, it is okay to be this person. However, if you are a Sasquatch this is a dick move.

2. The person who is slam dancing and going bonkers when everyone else is just bobbing their heads. This is fine, but weird. Just be aware of your surroundings. Kick, and you will be kicked back.

3. The flip side of #2 is that person who is right upfront standing stock still or TEXTING when everyone else is going bonkers. It's your prerogative but, why are you doing that?

4. The girl who keeps spilling her drink on your foot and sleeve. Sometimes this is me, I get excited. So don't judge too harshly and maybe don't wear really nice shoes or shirts to shows. That probably goes without saying for a number of reasons.

5. The guy who uses the crowd to either hump you from behind or side boob you with his elbow. If this is you, you are ruining everyone's good time.

6. People who come with their work clothes still on. You should bring a pair of jeans to work with you. It's not right, but people will judge you.

7. The older guy in khakis and a 20 year old leather jacket. (With shoulder pads) I'm willing to believe you're really into the music but I suspect it has more to do with girls who have tattoos and funny hair.

8. The black out drunk girl. I find that black out drunk guy is usually at the bar, but black out drunk girl tends to like the stage. Where there is black out drunk girl there is often the guy who uses the crowd to hump. This combo is depressing.

I will add more as I encounter them.

Wait, NEW NEW

Like, for real new!

I'm doing a mini project where I read all the Little House on the Prairie books and tell you about it.

Come on, it'll be a fun way to spend the winter. You and me, just like old times baby!

Go there now!
Get Psyched on the Prairie!

As always, please email me to correct my spelling and grammar.

Happy Terrorist Fist Jab Day, Ya'll

Can you BELIEVE it's only been a year?? Think about how everyone absolutely swoons at the mere mention of Michelle's name now.

What in gods name is she wearing? Where can I get it? Is it pilates??? And why can't I go pick tomatoes with her in her organic White House garden?!!??

For reals thought, it was only one thin year ago that everyone thought she was an ANGRY BLACK WOMAN (possibly a domestic terrorist) who is NOT PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN.

Check out this Gawker post about how the Obamas have ingeniously emasculated the fist jab by giving daps to whitey. It makes whitey feel cool, and it makes daps less scary.
It's become the 'Bling' of hand gestures.

Well Obvi

Adam Lambert's BF - HOT.

He kind of has a young Johnny Depp as an American Apparel model thing going on, don't you think?

I didn't watch the Idol so I don't really know what the kid sounds like but I do know that the whole internet was all, 'OMG GAYZ????' for months which I though was kind of hysterical.

He's quite obvi gay, right?

Anyway, last night was their first official 'we're gay' outing together, which I think was a pretty well orchestrated way to get everyone to shut up already without having to go all Lance Bass, 'I'm Gay' on the cover of People.

Especially if Lady Gaga is going to be there performing Poker Face live. JEALOUS!

Well, have fun being young, rich, and beautiful boys.

Understandable

The lovely Lady Gaga, newly single lady, wants a barely legal foursome with the Jonas Brothers. Now say what you will about the brothers Jonas but compare and contrast to who I had to squee over when I was a tween. Um, no contest.

Hot on the heels of the blind humping the blind, and the gay male prom queen, check out Sara Wilson's photos of the Texas School for the Blind and Visually Impaired's prom!

I remember last year overhearing a conversation a couple was having as they were reuniting before prom. She grabbed his hand and ran his fingers along the sequins of her dress, to the curls in her hair, and to the strand of pearls around her neck. His response was an exuberant, “Wow, you look so beautiful!” I know that she felt beautiful.

Good News!

For those of us living and humping in California, it's been a rough week. For some unknown, bizzaro-world reason the CA Supreme Court upheld Prop 8, the Constitutional ban on gay mariage. Sigh.

HOWEVER! In a sign that we just need all the old people to die already (sorry old people) Fairfax High, outside LA elected an openly gay MALE student as their Prom Queen. Aw!

"At one time, prom may have been a big popularity contest where the best-looking guy or girl were crowned king and queen. Things have changed and it's no longer just about who has the most friends or who wears the coolest clothes," Garcia told the crowd of seniors. "Sure, I'm not your typical prom queen candidate. There's more to me than meets the eye."

It's really rather heartwarming!

Um, Just In Case You Were Wondering...

Maybe you've seen a porno with women ejaculating (nothing wrong with that). Did your shenanigans meter go off? Were you like, 'Whatever porno, no such thing'?

That's what the British Board of Film Classification said when they saw 2002's British Cum Queens and demanded that a 6 minute lady ejaculation scene be censored. Apparently peeing on someone in an English porno is verboten and that's what they thought it was.

Well guess what Chesterfield Bottomtooth, SCIENCE says, 'Yes indeed, girls can blow a wad!' Check out, Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Female Ejaculation (but Were Afraid to Ask)

Confidential to the ladies: There's some, ahem, 'how to tips' at the bottom if you're interested in spoiling your bedsheets tonight.

The Blind Humping the Blind

Check out this super interesting article about how blind people fall in lust despite not being able to see each other. You're probably thinking it's all very Laura Dern and Rocky in Mask but many blind folk, like most sighted jerks, want to be associated with a hottie, even if they can't appreciate or even imagine what 'blond' means.

'When I was a teenager, I went to a boarding school for blind children where the sound of wildly rushing male and female hormones could be heard on every corridor. I particularly remember a new girl arriving. No one took much notice in her first few weeks... until one lad said they'd heard she was blonde....she suddenly started getting a lot of attention after her hair colour was made known. Of course, few of her admirers could see her crowning glory, or even knew that blonde was a kind of light yellowy brown, but because "blondes" are talked about as desirable...she became very popular.'

So the blind can be superficial (they're people right??) but check this out, the author, Damon Rose, also talks about how good looking sighted people will, apropos of nothing, start describing themselves to him just so he knows they're good looking. 'Some people just can't bear the idea that the blind person in the room won't consider them special or even worth talking to... until they tell you how good looking they are.'

Weird, huh??

Just Saying...

Yes I am one of those obnoxious vegetarians who doesn't eat meat because she feels bad for the piggies and the cows. Look, I've already been derided by more than one farmer so I KNOW, it's a very wimpy stance.

HOWEVER!!! New research is showing that animals all the way down to lab rats have the capacity for empathy, social responsibility and morality. Even inter-species, check this: In 2003, a herd of 11 elephants rescued antelope who were being held inside an enclosure in KwaZula-Natal, South Africa.
The matriarch unfastened all of the metal latches holding the gates closed and swung the entrance open allowing the antelope to escape.

AND

Experiments with rats have shown that they will not take food if they know their actions will cause pain to another rat. In lab tests, rats were given food which then caused a second group of rats to receive an electric shock.
The rats with the food stopped eating rather than see another rat receive a shock. Similarly, mice react more strongly to pain when they have seen another mouse in pain.

I'm totes not saying stop eating meat or whatevs because circle of life, blah, blah, blah, but you know, you could just get some free range eggs. That would be nice.

The Jokes, They Write Themselves

Did you know that the White House has a flickr photostream?? Yeah, they're not all gems but for every, President Obama talks to Prime Minister Blah Blah Wazhisnuts, there's a President Obama talks to a fake pirate.
'I think some new ARRRRRRt work would really jazz this room up.'

In a slightly related note I suggest you read this Planet Money article about the ecconomic system behind all the Somali pirates that were so big last month. People like Rush Limbaugh try to act like it's just 6 teenagers in a speed boat but they're actually highly organized, financed and well planned out business ventures with a very high rate of return for investors.

"Think of it as everything you would need to go into the cruise ship business," Pham says. "Everything that you would need to run a cruise ship line, short of the entertainment, you need to run a piracy operation."

Ah The Glaring Mirror of Technology

I kind of had to laugh when logged into Netflix and they had my movie recomendations sorted into 6 rather specific categories. Here they are in order:

1. Critically-acclaimed Gay & Lesbian Comedies
2. Romantic British Movies Featuring a Strong Female Lead
3. Witty Showbiz TV Comedies
4. Sentimental Father-Daughter Movies
5. Cerebral Foriegn Dramas
6. Local Favorites for Oakland, CA

How is there a whole category of romantic Brittish movies featuring a strong female lead?? I guess I will now have to cede to the boyfriend that I never rent anything he can watch.

2 Great Tastes

Through years of therepy I've gathered the strength to be able to admit it...I love all those shitty auto tune songs. It started inocently enough in 2000 with a little Kasey and JoJo but along with so much of our youth I was never able to turn away.

Some of you must agree because that shit is still everywhere. Even on a mother fucking boat.

So why not...lets bring another great player to the table, my friend and yours, Barack Obama.



Highly recomended.

Finally! Something New in New Faces!

Here she is!!!!

Connie Culp before and after America's 1st and the world's most extensive face transplant. How impressed are you? I mean, come on, that's a big difference.

Connie couldn't blink, smell, eat, drink or FUCKING breath on her own. Now she's back to enjoying her coffee and cookie. That may sound small but think how delicious that would be after 5 years!

She straight up deserves it too. Her dick husband shot her in the face with a shotgun in 2004 in a failed murder/suicide and she lived with that before head for way longer than you could take it.

I also don't want to sound superficial but that's a very nice nose she has now, no? Though she was pretty cute and apple cheeked in the before-before. That's her below.

The whole story is pretty feel good if you're in the mood for that.

To Amuse You

Is this a case of kicking a dog when it's down? Should I feel more sensitive to the beleaguered lot of the Republicans? Or should I just laugh, because, after all, isn't that what clowns are all about...bringing us joy?

via boingboing: Prominent Conservatives with photoshopped on clown makeup. Certainly no more offensive than the photoshopping that goes on in most women's mags. (ouch! Sorry, I hadn't filled my boner-killer quotient for the week.)

You really have to respect the artistry here. I mean, you can, like, see the stubble on Newt's cheek. Check out the flickr page of the genius behind this little piece of heaven.

Elizabeth Edwards, Tells Some

Time has some new excerpts from EE's new book about her lyin' cheatin', God complex havin' husband.

It all started romantically enough when Rielle came up to John in a hotel and said, 'you're hot'.

"...if you had asked me to wager that house we were building on whether my husband of then 28 years would have responded to a come-on line like that, I would have said no."

Even though John said he told her he had a piece on the side before he decided to run for president, she says he waited till 2 days after he announced his candidacy. Shady.
Also, "After I cried and screamed, I went to the bathroom and threw up."
Understandably gross.

Plus he totes tried to play it like they humped once and not, in fact, a whole bunch of times. Which is what was up.
"More than a year later, I learned that he had allowed [the woman] into our lives and had not, even when he knew better, made her leave us alone."

And lets not forget for a second that this woman had and still has the Big C, cancer.

She has, however, let the dog out of the dog house and back into the people house. I don't judge but John Edwards is seriously on my shit list. Just keep him out of politics and away from my face Elizabeth.
Thank you, and get well soon.

You Tell ME a Better Name

Today on the comute to work the woman who picked me up (casual carpool, not shady hitch hiking style) was one of those furious radio station changers. 10 seconds of NPR, 10 of the local college station, 10 seconds of a cd, 10 seconds of gross out morning dj. So I don't know where in the mix this was but SOMEONE did a story about one of my favorite Oakland landmarks, God's Gym. On Broadway and 25th, right in the dag middle of the Auto Row.

I've always wondered, who are these people? Do they play Christian Rock in the step classes? Do the diet plans have olde tyme foods like dates and millet and what not? Do you not need a spotter because, well, Jesus?

We may never know...I didn't get to hear the whole program but it did make me want to share some sweet pictures so you could start wondering too. Let me know if you come up with any good theories.

Because scraggly, skinny, hipster Jesus is soooooooo 2008. This is the Jesus who will have your back.

Are You Having a Hard Monday??

My Monday is going no where fast. What helps? This slow loris enjoy a good scratchin'. It will slow your breathing, lower your blood presure, improve your investment portfolio and decrease your overall appearence of bodily frumpiness.

No need to turn the sound on.

36hr in Oakland!!

OMG! The NYTimes knows our name, and like totally told everyone we were fun to hang out with. Swoon!

Actually I think they make Oakland sound rather boring but that's because they just didn't know any fun parties to go to.

For some reason, the restaurant I used to work at has be come THE iconic Oakland breakfast restaurant. I suspect it has to do with the fact that they hire exclusively from the Suicide Girls rejection stack. Reviewers always have to say something about all the tattoos (At Mama’s, an oft-tattooed wait staff serves up hearty dishes like breakfast burritos). I actually had customers rather rudely demand to know where my tattoos were.

Ah, youth.

TGIF Monkeys

Why is it raining?? I'll retract that because I know there's supposedly a drought. None the less, rainy Fridays always put me in the mood for monkeys.

One Enchanted Rap Battle

As you may, or may not know, I consider myself a black gay man trapped in a straight white woman's body. So, obvi, I had to read New York Magazine's timeline of white people and rap. Duh.
Verdict? Embarrassed. Especially after I relived the glory of the white rap battle from Teen Witch.

The crazy thing is, I started playing this clip in the office (it's Friday) and instantly the 3 women in my office were like, 'Teen Witch?!', and 'OMG, that witch is the reason I wanted to be a red head!', and I'll just come out and say it...a bit of a sing-a-long ensued.
Play it, see what happens in your office.

Also, clarification! Aparently Lauryn Hill never said she'd rather have her children starve than have white people buy her album. Phew!

From the Dept of DUH!

Elizabeth Edwards is writing, not a 'tell all' but a 'tell some'. Via Huffpo - 'In her new memoir, "Resilience," Elizabeth Edwards says her husband should not have run for president.'

DUH!

Sherri Shepherd...Not as Bad as You May Have Thought

I know we don't like Sherri on the View. She doesn't know if the Earth is flat or round and she was going to vote for McCain based solely on the fact that Sarah Palin has a child with Down Syndrome but...well sometimes she's still funny. She's Tracy Jordan's wife on 30 Rock and she has a guest spot on WWE Smackdown this week!

I suggest you watch the video...she really knows how to turn wrestling in to wrasslin'. Though, on second thought, if you're icked out by the thought of Sherri's bedroom behavior I'd say skip it.

Finallly Some Answers!

You should check out all of The Stranger's 2009 Sex Survey Results but here's my favorite:
I especially wouldn't want to have sex with Tim Geithner. Though, of course, I have the utmost respect.

Another Great Moment With Martellus Bennett

Martellus is the Cowboy's tight end who gave us our last great WTF moment with the hypothetical Angelina Jolie feeding you pancakes and farting scenario. I'm starting to really love Martellus's blog. He's so upbeat and he LOLs a lot more than I would expect from a 350lb man. For that, I respect him.

Plus, he asks the questions most of us are afraid to. In his most recent post he addresses a question that I thought stopped plaguing us in the 60's. Apparently his white friends just won't stop asking why black people love fried chicken. LOL!!

In the interest of getting to the bottom of this stereotype, he polls his black friends to find the answer.

Of course, it's Martellus himself who has the best answer -

11) my answer: everybody loves chicken despite race sex gender chicken is scrumptious and everyone enjoys it. If you haven't had chicken go get some.

With all that being said I am about to go get me a spicy ten piece with fo (four) biscuits and a large red beans from popeyes. I don't need a drink because I have purple koolaid at home.

Never stop chasing your dreams.

Peace, Love and Happiness

Marty B

Worth It!

It's a Golden Girl's kind of week, as one Ms. Sophia Petrillo's (ne Estelle Getty) belongings go up for auction. Yes, yes, kind of macabre. But! How much do you want Sophia's iconic rattan bag??? Or her over sized glasses? On their original lanyard!!

The glasses are a steal, estimated to go for around $500. The bag is estimated to go for under $1500.
What??? Do you know how many new, non history making bags cost more than that? Shocking, but a steal for anyone who's smart enough, which I am, and has the cash flow, which I don't.

Whoa!

Did you know this???
Up until 1971 it was illegal for women to tend bar in California. TRUE!

Read the Wall Street Journal's history of women bartenders.
Added fun fact, a colonial woman named Betty Fanagan invented the cocktail. The WSJ would not lie to you.

I Just, um, Really Like Usher Okay?

R.I.P Bea Arthur

Whether Dorothy was your favorite Golden Girl or not I think we can all admit to the soft, Bea Arthur sized spot in our hearts.
Saturday my girlfriends and I went to a drag show and it was really touching to see what kind of influence Bea had on those girls, especially the older generation.

"I knew it would hurt, I just didn't know it would hurt this much. I'm so happy that she received her Lifetime Achievement Award while she was still with us, so she could appreciate that," Betty White told "The Insider" in a statement. "She was such a big part of my life."

Rue McClanahan, the only other remaining "Golden Girl," said: "[Thirty-seven] years ago she showed me how to be very brave in playing comedy. I'll miss that courage. And I'll miss that voice."

What Are You Thirsty For?

Slow your roll
Listen don't believe the hype...this does NOT have cough syrup in it. You have to get that yourself at the Walgreens.














Inhibition is a recipe for mediocrity. This is a premium energy drink named with confidence.
Men of the world, your secret is so out that you like to get your face all up in it that MTV is marketing it as energizing.










Drink a can, improve your daily hustle. Drink two cans, get yo hustle on.
A hunid racks = $100,000 so it must be good right? Answer: no, I've had it it's gross.

Hunid Racks is out of the Bay area so they also rep local favorites Mac Dre and 2Pac. Nice.

Go Iceland!

When times are tough, like say your economy collapses, you have to think outside the box.
Or inside...Because Iceland has just elected the 1st openly gay prime minister, Ms. Johanna Sigurdardottir. Her top priorities are going to be rescuing the economy and starting negotiations to join the EU. Duh. Also, she's quite the silver fox, no? Must be all that Hakarl.

Burgers and Douche Bags

Oh man, if you aren't already watching Sarah Haskin's 'Target Women' on Current TV, well, then you're a damn fool. I know it has 'women' in the title which can turn some of you dudes off when you realize there's no chance for, AT LEAST, some soft core.

Well, guess what? I found one for everyone. It has humor, douche bag hate, social comedy, burgers AND it has women washing cars in bikinis. You're welcome. Plus, you won't be a whole person till you realize that douche bags aren't assholes, they're just 'good nature douche bros sweepin' fries like they're at a douche bag party about to win the award for douche king of the douche-a-tron'
Seriously

Oklahoma Battles The Pink Robots

In a stunningly awesome move, Oklahoma's Governor Brad Henry signed an executive order making The Flaming Lips song, 'Do You Realize' the official rock song of the State!! Awesome!!

The lame-ass State Legislature originally tried to keep that from going down, even though the very people of OK had internet voted for it.
Gov Brad was like, 'Hell no bitches!'

Or rather, “The music of the Flaming Lips has earned Grammys, glowing critical acclaim and fans all over the world. A truly iconic rock ‘n’ roll band, they are proud ambassadors of their home state...They were clearly the people’s choice, and I intend to honor that vote.”

Jealous!!

PS. I love you Wayne!

Can I Recomend???

Maybe I'm late on the scene (not unlikely) but have you heard of The Moth?? It's a NYC, storytelling, hipster, podcasting, live performance, um, organization. Theater group?
Whatever.
You should subscribe to their podcast.

I actually almost didn't, because their most recent podcast was a story from Greg 'He's Just Not That Into You' Behrendt. (people who bought this book on Amazon also bought, 'The Rules' and 'Stop Getting Dumped!) Ugh!

But...it had a million stars on iTunes so I listened to it this morning on the commute.

Greg, I hereby forgive you for foisting 'He's Just Not That Into You' upon the world.

Greg told a rather embarrassing story about Janeane Garofalo not being that into him. Full of mix tapes and neediness and late night, drunken, pleading phone calls and general Janeane worship, which I share. I will tell you no more, just please download the podcast.
Thank you.

Thursday's Disturbing Moment

Phil Spector, Wall of Sound innovator, murderer, big hair proponent, prisoner #1165998.

You hardly need to read his palms to know this guys a serious freak, but his middle aged adopted son is shopping a tell all, that may, uh, tell too much.

"When I was 13, Dad was seeing someone, a woman the kids all liked . . . and hoped for the chance of one day calling her 'Mom.' That all changed, however, one evening . . . [It] involved a bottle of wine, a Playboy magazine and 'the lady.' That night I lost my innocence, and my brother, Donte, at the age of 10, lost his virginity -- to that lady. That was the last time I ever saw the 'lady.' "

I think I'll just go curl up in the fetal position and sit in the dark now.

Grey Gardens

I'm sure you've seen the orig documentary (which you can view here), the Broadway musical, or the HBO original movie and you now have full on Little Eddie fatigue but, WAIT! One more thing!

Pictures from Grey Gardens after Big Eddie passed and Little Eddie needed to, finally, move on. Not surprisingly it was bought by rich fans who restored the place. Not only was it falling apart but it was rattling around with 52 dead cats who all, for some reason, needed their own funeral. That's a lot for any Camelot/Architecture fan, no matter how rich.

Check out the NYTimes slide show! It's full of statements like, When Ms. Quinn touched a key on this piano in the living room, the whole thing collapsed and fell through the floor.

Tim Gunn, Depantsed

In OK! Magazine. I just don't like that they photoshopped his face. But there are some good nuggets. He supports Michelle Obama's right to tank tops and his sister has psoriasis. People with psoriasis feel like they can’t be who they want to be fashion-wise. Our message is that, through proper treatment, you can do whatever you want in terms of lifestyle.
Tank tops for all!!

It's a Dog, GET OVER IT!

I know it's bad.
The economy's in the shitter for reasons even Planet Money can barely make intelligible, there's Iraq, and torture and high waisted pants are back in fashion but are we so hard up for a good vibe that we need to collectively slaver all over this only moderately cute dog??

Plus, I'm sorry Sasha and Malia or Ted Kennedy or whoever came up with it, but Bo is not a good name for a dog. Especially if the dog's last name is Obama.
You have to think these things through!

My New BFF

Maybe you know Michelle Rodriguez from being faster and furiouser, or from getting shot on Lost by the guy in the wheel chair on Oz but let it be known that she's one fun bitch to party with.

Check this Page Six description of her at her BFF, Giancarlo Chersich's wedding:

At the welcome dinner...Rodriguez pushed fully clothed guests into the pool. The next night, she broke up the bachelorette party yelling that the stripper was "fat and had a small [bleep]."

Rodriguez was ticked off when the dancer asked for a volunteer at the beginning of his routine and then made the willing babe kneel down. "That's bull[bleep]," the sexy star yelled. "He should be kneeling for her; this is a bachelorette party."

As the stripper began gyrating and pushing his crotch into the bride-to-be's face, Rodriguez yelled, "This is the kind of thing that brings out the bisexual in me." She left in a huff.

Classic Stoner, A Day Late For The Party

Yesterday was 4/20 so like I said I'm a day late but you probably didn't notice, did you you drug fiend? Probably too busy smoking what my Dad calls, 'unbranded cigarettes' and gatewaying yourself into a crack cocaine habbit.

Or maybe not. Either way (as long as you haven't yet sold your computer to buy crack) check out this article from Huffpo by a member of Law Enforcement Against Prohibition. He makes your basic health and safety arguments but since you're always zoning out and forgetting things I thought I'd remind you. Plus it's always nice to hear a cop say:

Over the past four years I've asked police officers throughout the U.S. (and in Canada) two questions. When's the last time you had to fight someone under the influence of marijuana? (I'm talking marijuana only, not pot plus a six-pack or a fifth of tequila.) My colleagues pause, they reflect. Their eyes widen as they realize that in their five or fifteen or thirty years on the job they have never had to fight a marijuana user. I then ask: When's the last time you had to fight a drunk? They look at their watches.

Libya...So Hot Right Now

How awesome is Libya's National Security Adviser Mutussaim Qadhafi? Doesn't he look like he stepped out of a David Lynch movie?

She's Rich, Bitch!

Yes, Tina Fey is one rich bitch. You'd prob figure that out on your own if you thought about it for half a second but aren't we all a little conditioned to assume that actors = the people they play on TV?
Liz Lemon only has $12k in the bank and eats off brand Hot Cheetos but Tina Fey just bought a huge Trump-esque pad with a maid's room and a butler's pantry on the Upper West Side.

Why is it always the talented driven people who succeed in this life? What about those of us who just wanna party with our friends and surf the internet? When's our time?

Pictures of the fabulosity via Gawker:

Something Kind of Disturbing

From special correspondent Cormac.
It's actually kind of weird that he would send this today because Friday I made a drawn out joke about having a mild case of 'unicornism' which kept me from work when my bangs wouldn't cooperate. Seeing this hungover is my punishment for not being sensitive to the feelings of those with for real unicornism.
Which, who would even know that's a real thing?

Because you weren't necessarily rude to anyone with a horn, I'm leaving it as a link.
Click at your own risk.

Adderall??

I've been pretty bi-curious about it since I read an interview Vice Magazine did with a Canadian farmer they'd given Adderall to. He not only did the work of 10 farmers but also some, 'stuff with my wife I hadn’t done in a long time.'

You know what I mean.

The thing about Vice is that they're stridently pro drugs all around. Their dating advice usually involves not only alcohol but blow and Viagra so I don't always trust them. Plus they're really judgy about women who don't wear heels.

For a more nuanced take (with less talk about certain sex acts that are gross to me) check out The New Yorker talkin' neuroenhansers.

Verdict: Still kind of want to take some Adderall. Who doesn't want to do the work of 10 women? Answer: Osama, he's a mysogonyst.

Lastly, I typed Adderall into Google to find a good picture and about eleventy billion online, no questions asked pharmacies popped up. Just fyi.

Behind the Scabbies!

Whatever, I know it's not good for, well probably anyone, but Rock of Love tour bus is the awesomest thing ever. Diablo Cody feels me on this subject.

Sigh, it's over now and the reunion show was boring because of it's glaringly small apportionment of my party girls Ashley and Farrah (in the pink and black respectively) Actually I strongly advise you watch the episode that this screen shot is from. I think you'll understand where I'm coming from when you see Ashley repeatedly demand a cheeseburger, barf, correctly claim, 'Barf happens' incorrectly claim, 'Pooping yourself happens' and awesomely declare, 'I barf on your mom, she loves it.'
Watch act 3 starting at the 5:15 mark and then the 1st minute of Act 4. Thank me later.

Anyway, the reunion. Boring!!! But the behind the scenes blog is pretty amusing since it brings up old glories like when Gia put a shot of alcohol in her vagina, when Brittanya spat on Season 1's Heather and how Marcia always smelled like Doritos and Patron and tried to pull Bret's wig off.

Ah, memories.

Thankfully almost all of them will be showing up on Charm School 3 with Ricki Lake. Yay!!

I also humbly suggest you read, 'Hanging with the Blondourage' which is just a weird stream of consciousness with Ashley and Farrah.
Ashley: I was doing an event in Florida and I ordered porn in my room, and the guy who was hosting the event paid for it. He didn’t say anything about it because it was a weird porn. It was like lesbians on tricycles.

John Waters, Can You Clear Something Up For Us

from BoingBoing:

JOHN WATERS: "Teabagging" is by my definition the act of dragging your testicles across your partner's forehead. In the UK it is dipping your testicles in your partner's mouth. I didn't invent the term or the act but DID introduce it to film in my movie "Pecker." "Teabagging" was a popular dance step that male go-go boys did to their customers for tips at The Atlantis, a now defunct bar in Baltimore. Hope this helps. -- John Waters

picture via jezebel

Tweets From the Mouth of GOD

By which I mean, Oprah has a Twitter account.
And her caps lock it stuck on.

Here's who she's following:
Demi and Ashton
Shaq
George Stephanopoulis
Jimmy Fallon
And of course: Gayle King

Just FYI

Let's Just Let This Happen

538, predictor of everything, has a strong argument for just letting Texas secede from the union. This is something that Republican Gov Rick Perry has been mumbling about, not the sodomites here in San Francisco, so step away from the high horse.

The reasons include all kinds of goodies like Dems having a filibuster proof majority in the Senate and more electoral votes being transferring to California and Gore winning in 2000. (Time machines are part of what will change in this scenario). But the best and least explicable reason is, 'If Texas were not in the Union, there'd be a good case for making football an Olympic sport, which would sure as hell beat rhythmic gymnastics.'

Who in Texas is keeping football from being an Olympic sport?? I'll have to look into that conspiracy, it's a new one for me.

Monkies, It Happens

Just for Fun pt 2

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