Squirrels, Squirrels, Squirrels!

Sadly, LIFE magazine is all, "oh that picture is copywrited, you can't just take it and do what you please with it." So I'm going to have to use some serious powers of persuasion to get you to move your finger slightly in order to click on this link to see squirrel fashion plate, Tommy Tucker, dressed in the very best WWII era fashions. Yes, I said that.

Tommy (who later becomes a crossdresser) was rescued and domesticated by a DC woman in the 1940s.

Of course, I would never leave you totally pictureless. Here's a picture of 1980's subway vigalante, Bernie Goetz, with a squirrel friend. Since getting away with shooting 4 unarmed teenagers on a NYC subway he's

gone on to be an outspoken advocate for vegetarianism and a friend to urban squirrels. He builds them little houses to weather the winters and runs a squirrel infirmary out of his apartment. Uh, yay?

Libya...So Hot Right Now

How awesome is Libya's National Security Adviser Mutussaim Qadhafi? Doesn't he look like he stepped out of a David Lynch movie?

Easter Bonnets!

Regardless of religion, I think we can all get behind a big beautiful Easter hat. Well you don't want to be RIGHT behind it because then you won't be able to see, but, you know, metaphorically.
A great smile doesn't hurt either, huh?

Check out the slide show from the LA Times here.

Amazing Older Lady Alert

Apparently, there's a wackiest dresser in Brittan award and this young-ish lady, Su Pollard, has won. Congrats Su.
My favorite thing about Su is how she has the face, hair and glasses of a mom bringing cupcakes and fruit juice to your 5th grade homeroom, the legs of an underfed 25 year old and the style of an amature clown prostitute.
What's not to like.
Check out some of her more legendary looks here.

I Now Pronounce You Man and Kitty

As you may or may not know, when I first moved to San Francisco, in the depths of the bursted dotcom bubble, one of my many jobs was assembling Hello Kitty gift baskets.

I don't want to go into the whole traumatic thing but I will tell you that Hello Kitty is a cruel, cruel mistress. I was the only white person working there and they all insisted on calling me white girl (exclusively) and for some reason (whiteness) I was made to wear a totally different uniform from everyone. I also got fired on my last day for some reason. Bizarre.

I can however tie the tiniest bows you've ever seen. Oh and I sometimes got to wear a Hello Kitty costume and hand out balloons to children. That was cool.

I digress. My point is I'm ambivalent about the Kitty. So use your own judgment to well, judge these Hello Kitty wedding dresses.
Yes wedding dresses. (more here) For me, it's def a nay-no.
Confidential to men: I suggest steering clear of babes who fantasize about this tomfoolery.

This is All I Have to Say on the Subject

I wasn't going to say anything about the whole, 'Palin $150k wardrobe-gate shenanigans' thing because I'm deeply, deeply jealous that she got all those free clothes.

Do you know how much Forever 21 and Daisy Fuentes for Kohl's I could buy for that kind of cash-ola???? Uh, yeah, a lot. That's enough funky biz casual for the rest of my life.















Huffpo managed to find my angle though...apparently Ms. Sarah was mighty pissed at the wardrobe lady at SNL last weekend. The scuffle was wardrobe based in nature. See they (unAmerican, lefty, New Yorkers) wanted her to wear the same outfit Tina Fey was going to wear, that red blazer, which references the old down-home Palin. Palin, on the other hand, wanted to wear her new fancy duds. That's why they call it a carefully controlled image.

Her image has changed since she was rescued from the meth capital of the Universe, she's pretend rich now wardrobe lady! Get it right!!!

Also she was not funny. Sorry, she just wasn't.

Hold Me, I'm Scared!

I'm the kind of shitty sex kitten that doesn't wear heels unless someone's committing to spend their life with someone else, so this largely doesn't effect me, but HOLY JESUS the shoes for Spring are nightmare inducing.
WTF!!!
How in the holy heck are you women doing this?? I transition into super bitch if my feet are trussed up in a G rated version of this for a service and a reception!! After one particularly epic wedding I couldn't feel 4 of my toes for almost a week. Two on each foot.

And, I don't know if you can tell, but the heels of these are little pan-African fertility idols. Which seems, somehow, I don't know, a little fucked. But what do I know? I got excited because the bf gave me a vintage Miller Hi Life pin for my birthday.
(It's so rad too, it's of a 6 pack, sweet!)






Anyway check out the NYTimes slide show. You'll see that your choice for shoes is either death defying or ugly as sin.
So...good luck with that.

MIA's Clothing line!

Um, not sure if I can pull of this ensemble but I'm still super excited about her new line! Check out all the goods here.
Warning: Do not open site if you are prone to epileptic seizures.

All in all they're actually pretty reasonably priced for people who aren't me. Though, ahem, my birthday is coming up next month.

Can I take a moment...

To show appreciation for my new style icon?
Her name is Renny and you don't know her because she's on a reality show that only looser reality tv nerds watch, Big Brother.

Despite the obvious handicaps of being on a CBS, summer, reality show, my muse, Renny, (too many commas? I can never tell) NEVER misses a chance to make every moment a borderline costume party.

The best thing about her is that she has the perfect look for EVERY activity. For instance this picture above, coffee and a little game talk?
I wouldn't naturally go for taupe leopard print caftan and a pink doo rag, but it's perfection!
Now get her 2 sugars and a little non dairy creamer!

About to be evicted from the house?? Time to make a good impression, and she is looking hot in her purple flapper dress purchased from the olde tyme photography shoppe.






For hanging off a fake tilting wall for a few hours, what else?
Black spandex? Check! Shiny blue animal/floral print mini dress? Check! Local fire department baseball cap? Check!
How did she fail to win this challenge??


Actually these pictures don't even begin to describe her sartorial awesomeness. All the weirdos who do screen grabs (including cbs.com) are so busy waiting for the Hooter's waitress to bend over in a bikini, that they're missing the best stuff! I swear she had one outfit, complete with head band and sunglasses, that was all different acid washed, pink denims.

I'll search out what screen grabs I can and bring you more in the future!
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Update! Renny was head of household this week (don't worry about what that is) so they couldn't help but get some photos of her, here's some good ones:
For cutting Dan's hair, a festive multi-colored hair pouf with matching magenta cat glasses and silky top.







And the best yet the festive Mexican top with the bizarrely out of proportion rose. Don't forget the pearl encrusted hoops!!
Yay Renny!

Mixed messages much???

Well yes it IS an abstinence thong.
If you can't see, it says 'Earn your right to wear white'. And fyi it's not a vagina, it's your 'under-goodie'.

We've come full circle people. In tonight's production of the rapture the 4 horsemen will be played by the Queer Eye gays and they'll be riding Teletubbies. And I will give 1 MILLION (fake) DOLLARS to anyone who can draw me a picture.

Ah! That's more like it! Sweatpants always say, 'Let's just hold on a minute.'











'Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder'
Wait, I'm confused again. Are they saying, if we hadn't had sex we wouldn't have this stinkin' baby?? Or are they telling the baby not to have sex? Or are they just saying, you'll like this baby better if you don't molest it? Sorry I know that's gross but they totally started it!!!

Take my couture...Please!

Ba-dum-pum.
What do we think about this???
Louis Vuitton's new line of bags emblazoned with Henny Youngman jokes.

I know it's hard to tell from the picture but here's some of the jokes:
Every time I meet a woman who can cook like my Mother....She looks like my Father.
and
My wife went to the beauty shop and got a mud pack. For two days she looked beautiful. Then the mud fell off.

That kind of old, Jewish, dinner theater in the Catskills humor that riffes on the state of marital relations 'that were'. That were right?

I know I should be kind of icked out by bringing that old, gendered sensibility into 2008 unedited (I mean even James Bond is kind of pc now) but my Dad is a HUMONGOUS Henny Youngman fan. He had my sister Rachel and I spouting, 'Take my wife...please' years before we got the joke, which is kind of, um, mean, especially given that my Mother is his wife. Whenever I visit home I can always crack him up by saying, 'I just flew in from California...and boy are my arms tired.'
Good one! That never gets old! Seriously it doesn't for my Dad. It's like how I still think that Budwiser comercial from the late 90's where the guys just say, 'WAZZZZUP' to each other is advertising's gift to humanity.

I'm not an impartial judge is what I'm saying, instead of icking me out its making me want to go find the family picture where we're all wearing those Groucho Marx glasses with the nose and moustache.

On the other hand, the collision of high fashion and anything I associate with my Dad, who unironically wears a calculator watch, is a little bewildering. It also makes me want to swipe that calculator watch, to wear ironically.
Kind of awesome, right?

New in ANTM

Yes, I hate Tyra Banks as much as you do, but come on, how hysterical that she's now immortalized in wax at Madam Tussauds in DC. They got a little confused though and put her in the 'glamor room'. Hopefully they'll clear everything up and have her moved to the 'love to hate' room or the 'I know Oprah Winfrey and you, ma'am are no Oprah Winfrey' room or the 'take a hint from this wax dummy and shut your cake hole' room. Oh, I could go on and on, but I kid, I kid. Without ANTM my life would be dark and blurry because I'd have no idea how to let the light hit my face. So thank Tyra.

I'm also ready to admit that I want to go and have my picture taken with her. Though I can't decide if I want to 'smile with my eyes' or just be fierce. Ideas?

Related, if you can take, it check out the cover story about Ms. Banks in the June 1st NY Times Mag. She has 275 smiles, people, how many do you have???
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Okay, too much Tyra! Check out my girl Dani, my favorite ANTM winner from, oh I don't know, cycle 1000 or something. Please it was 3 years ago, who can remember that far back! She's the new face of Tory Burch (!) who I've never heard of, probably because after some web searching it appears that she only dresses old, rich, white ladies, from the East Coast. Though this season she seems to have branched out to old, white, ladies who take a lot of acid.

Anyway! Good for you, Dani! They may have taken the gap in your teeth but they can never take your spirit!
Well it kind of looks like they might have taken a little of it, based on this picture. Don't be afraid to flaunt what's left of that gap, girl, and work those old lady clothes!


I would also like to point anyone who's at all interested to my abso favorite ANTM blogger, Rich, at fourfour.