Take my couture...Please!

Ba-dum-pum.
What do we think about this???
Louis Vuitton's new line of bags emblazoned with Henny Youngman jokes.

I know it's hard to tell from the picture but here's some of the jokes:
Every time I meet a woman who can cook like my Mother....She looks like my Father.
and
My wife went to the beauty shop and got a mud pack. For two days she looked beautiful. Then the mud fell off.

That kind of old, Jewish, dinner theater in the Catskills humor that riffes on the state of marital relations 'that were'. That were right?

I know I should be kind of icked out by bringing that old, gendered sensibility into 2008 unedited (I mean even James Bond is kind of pc now) but my Dad is a HUMONGOUS Henny Youngman fan. He had my sister Rachel and I spouting, 'Take my wife...please' years before we got the joke, which is kind of, um, mean, especially given that my Mother is his wife. Whenever I visit home I can always crack him up by saying, 'I just flew in from California...and boy are my arms tired.'
Good one! That never gets old! Seriously it doesn't for my Dad. It's like how I still think that Budwiser comercial from the late 90's where the guys just say, 'WAZZZZUP' to each other is advertising's gift to humanity.

I'm not an impartial judge is what I'm saying, instead of icking me out its making me want to go find the family picture where we're all wearing those Groucho Marx glasses with the nose and moustache.

On the other hand, the collision of high fashion and anything I associate with my Dad, who unironically wears a calculator watch, is a little bewildering. It also makes me want to swipe that calculator watch, to wear ironically.
Kind of awesome, right?

Sad meals :(

I'm half Jewish (my Mom always says the conversion didn't take) and all Jews are brought up to be food obsessed basket cases. Always wondering where their next meal will come from and what it will be. Of course since my Mom's a Lutheran my family always wonders the same thing about our next drink. At family functions I'm constantly worried over for not eating and drinking enough.
Which sounds weird, I know.

Anyway, yes I'm food obsessed but I've def taken it in a different direction than my sister who has the pizza place around the corner on her speed dial, my Mom who remembers every meal she had in ever restaurant in every city in the world, and my Dad who just wants to be left alone to eat curred meats and onions on everything.

My food habits are sad (I think). My diet is based on a complex metric of healthy-ness, low fat-ness, cheapness and how many dishes will have to be cleaned in the wake of cooking. I absolutely loath washing dishes, and I try not to create more than one or two dirty dishes per day. Keep in mind too, I'm eating all me meals at home since I have no work to go to.
This leads to me eating a high number of fake meat products and baby carrots.

Here are some (sad) examples of recent meals-

In fact the concept for this post came to me as I was eating breakfast this morning:
Coffee, low-fat cheese on low-fat crackers and some sugar snap peas.

Last night for dinner I had:
a strawberry mochi, 2 veggie hot dogs (no bun, no plate, no mustard) a hand full of crackers and later some fruit salad at Erin's graduation ceremony (way to go Erin!!)

Earlier in the day I had:
a Totino's frozen pizza (my weakness!) 2 veggie burgers (also no bun or condiments) and a low fat cheese stick.

This is actually too pathetic to go on with but you get the idea.
I remember Jake one time asking me what was my favorite restaurant in San Francisco, a city chock full of amazing restaurants, literally to the gills, and I said Herbivore because most of the meals are healthy and low fat and it's really cheap. Le sigh.
So uncultured.