Sorry I Was Gone

Sickness, Philadelphia, and the Holidays.
But I'm back, kinda.

Face Transplant Photos

There aren't any.
Here's a graphic.











The only new news is that she was so effed up that she couldn't blink, eat or breath without a hole in her windpipe. Yikes!

Everyone's all, 'Waaah! You shouldn't do life threatening surgery on conditions that aren't life threatening.' But SHIT! Give the poor woman a new face already!

More details as they ooze through the bandages.

Everything's Weirder in Texas

Picture it...you're a retired orthopedic surgeon. Got that? What else...oh! You have tons of time on your hands and tons of love in your heart for your wife and, of course, Jesus. Logical next step?
Get out your gilt and lacquer and lay siege to your house!



























Oh yeah, that's what Dr. Anthony Walter did. All the pictures are re-imaginings of olde time paintings, staring his wife. Something, something, honoring God through loving up his woman. I can get behind that. Though naturally, I would be mortified and never let anyone in the house.

I sincerely request your presence at the viewing of the NYTimes slide show. You will not be disappointed.

Half Bummer Half Uplifting Story of Healing

I don't know if you know this or not, but the reason that Adam Walsh hosts America's Most Wanted, and in fact the only reason there is an America's Most Wanted, is that Walsh's 6yr old son was abducted and gruesomely murdered in 1981. Sad.

Until today the murder was unsolved which is crazy town, that's 27yrs!!!

I have a soft spot for Adam in my heart because I always used to watch Cops and AMW on Saturday nights while I was getting ready to go out. That is, until I started having nightmares and checking the door locks 10 times a night.

So congrats, I guess. Though the sucky thing is, is that Walsh was right the whole time about who the murderer was, this drifter slash serial killer but the cops wouldn't bite. He even wrote a whole book about their ineptitude called, "Tears of Rage".
I think that title says it all.

What's New in New Faces

Well we've FINALLY caught up to the damn frogs in the face transplant dept, and weirdly it was the work of Cleveland, OH.

All they're telling is that they replaced 80% of the woman's face (why is it always a woman?). No pictures, no horrific face mangling story. Just a bunch of blah, blah, ethical concerns, blah blah, graft v. host. BORING!!!!!!

There will be a press conference tomorrow to talk it out. If there's pictures I'll post.

You Better Work!

Here's everything I love -

















Well minus my family, friends, boyfriend, cheese and crackers, reality tv and sleeping in but, you know.

Come on! It's RuPaul as Michelle and Barack Obama! Awesome.

She's promoting something, something, something, wait! It's a reality show competition for drag queens!

Holy cow it is everything I love!

Beards!!!

I'm a great big fan of mustaches so I was completely delighted when special correspondent Tom shared the delights of Erin Dollar's homemade beards with me.
Homemade beards!!!










They're all amazing!!! And felt! And yarn!












Dear Erin Dollar...marry me, we'll make beautiful facial hair together. But uh, no hanky panky. Well, it depends on the beard.

Bad News for Collider Fans

Which I know you totally are.
There's been no new Large Hadron Collider news out of CERN because of some completely incomprehensible (to me) helium leak.














See: (The) failure damaged the plumbing that pipes liquid helium around the system to keep the superconducting magnets at a chilly -271 °C. Large amounts of helium vaporised, causing several magnets to heat up and damaging nearby equipment with the sudden burst of pressure.

Maybe it's good news though since it keeps those pesky outbreaks of mini black holes at bay.

Suck it String Theory!

Physicists are starting to seriously float the idea that instead of the Universe starting with the Big Bang it maybe could have started with a Big Bounce. Instead of starting as a point of infinite density that exploded into everything, it could have begun as another collapsed Universe which, after collapsing, exploded into everything.

















Of course they could just have a boner for loop quantum cosmology because it makes their math easier.

Um, RIP Anna Nicole Smith??

The monument's been unveiled for Anna Nicole and her son.




















It's really worth your time to click the link. If only to read the inscriptions.

Best. Dr. Phil. Ever.

I'm sorry Oprah, but these day's when I get home from work and am confronted with the tivo choice between you and Dr. Phil...4 out of 5 it's the bald one.

And yesterday...yesterday he had on women who craft unnervingly real looking baby dolls and then create nurseries for them. It's called reborning.
No I haven't heard of it either but here's a pull from reborndollhouse.com:
Some people find these dolls downright creepy. But collectors feel there’s nothing unusual about their passionate hobby. We tend to agree as this is truly an extraordinary talent that a reborn artist should be proud of. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion and we respect that as well.

They're freakishly real looking. And by real, I mean, they really look like dead babies.















And today he's having on a couple who's fighting because the wife believes she's a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Just like me!!!!

Thank you god for the gift of Dr. Phil five days a week.

Just, ew.

From Gawker, Rush Limbaugh is getting married...to a woman only one year older than me. For some reason I'm personally offended.
















I understand that he's rich or whatever, but just, ew. Plus you know he won't let you change anything in the house around and he's prob like, 'blah, blah, blah, blah' constantly, like even in bed.

I just really don't get women who will marry the richest most disgusting person they can find. I guess she's hoping to divorce well.

Pickle Visits the North Pole!

Here's Pickle the pug with her 2 friends the squirrel and the snowy owl at the North Pole.















As you know everything disgusts Pickle, including trips to exotic locals.

Who I'm Stalking Lately

The man that I'm currently stalking is someone I would usually consider a 'desperate cry for attention' (DCA). Why? Well he's never to be seen without one of what I realized is a series of tri-cornered hats.
Seen left on Hugh and Mel.

Yes, an 18th century colonial American tri cornered hat! He has one in leather (!) and 2 in felt. When I'm running late for work I frequently see him in the last car of the BART to SF.

So at 1st I was like, 'Ugh total DCA wearing a leather tri-cornered hat at 8:30am.' but now I sort of applaud his committment to doing what he wants.

A big break in his identity came on Friday when I saw him in a group picture promoting a company wide happy hour at 111 Minna. OMG! He works at the Academy??? I must know for sure. So this morning I spotted him with glee and brazenly sat RIGHT NEXT to him. I've come to preffer the leather tri-corner, but he was wearing the navy blue felt. I then proceeded to inwardly giggle for 20min.

I tracked him out of the BART station but the findings were inconclusive. He doesn't work in my building, or the one across the street. But the Academy has about 1,000 locations all over SF so the hunt continues!!!

Et Tu Barbie??

I'm going to preface this whole post by saying that I'm a huge Barbie fan. Ms. Barbie was by FAR my favorite toy as a child. BY FAR.
So it is with hilarious affection that I introduce you to the 6 greatest Barbie gaffes.

For instance, how fucking out of touch does every single employee of Matel need to be to let the first black Barbie be sponsored by Oreo! You have to admit it almost circles around to awesomely meta.

























And here's Earing Magic Fun Ken, who's ostensibly Barbies main stud but has become the best selling Ken of all times. Because of the Gays, obvi.

Happy Holidays!

Ack, can't look, too perfect.
I feel in adequate.





















Oh, phew! Proving once and for all that we're all human...check out the sleeves on Michelle's monstrosity. Love you girl!

Monkey Biz-Nassss!

It's Friday people, go ahead and treat yourself to some amazing monkeys via cuteoverload



















I'd totally buy this perfume, it really speaks to my lifestyle.
































This monkey, 2012

Big in Japan

This is REALLY a must read, via themorningnews.
The top 60 most popular phrases in Japan this year. They are truly amazing!

Here's 2 of my favorites:

9. Hime-den (姫電): This abbreviation of hime-denwa (lit. “princess phone”) describes a garish style of mobile phone decoration popular with junior high and high school girls. Hime-den are typically decorated with glitter, fake jewels, ribbons, lace, and little teddy bears.

















JEALOUS! Kind of.


16. Taste for middle-aged men (karesen - カレセン): An abbreviation of “kareta ojisan senmon” (lit. “specialty in withered old men”), “karesen” refers to the particular preference some young women have for middle-aged or older men who are calm, unassuming, and lack sex appeal. This type of man is the subject of a photo-heavy book entitled “Karesen,” which profiles a host of dandy gents and extols their virtues.

WHAT!? Specialty in withered old men! Who lack sex appeal?? And there's a coffee table book!?!
Plus there's like 5 different phrases that refer to cartoon or plush mascots for everything from jury duty awareness to the 1,300th Anniversary of the Nara-Heijokyo Capital.

Orange Mocha Frappachino!!!!!

OMG!!!!!! Zoolander sequel!!!!!!
confirmed by Ben Stiller!!!
Only my favorite movie of all times!!!!!

Dear Ben Stiller, if you fuck this up I will never be able to experience happiness again.
Love,
Psyched and Such

Holy Cow!!!

Aw! Baby!
Yeah, well guess what? This 1 year old Saudi Arabian girl is PREGNANT!!!!!
Don't start screaming child abuse cause you know that's not even possible with an infant. It's just a simple case of an absorbed twin. Yes she's carrying her own parasitic twin in her UTERUS.

If that doesn't blow you mind then I just don't know what will, you jaded monster.

My Nemisis, Fog

Basically the entire reason I moved to California (though of course there was also a man involved) was to get more sunshine and less snow in my life. I came from Pittsburgh, PA which has 300 days of rain, sleet, snow or hail per year.
That's only 65 days of sun!

It's sort of worked, it doesn't rain in the Bay Area for about 7 months out of the year, but there's the omni present fear of FOG!!!

Most people when they think of SF and fog they think of this...















Oh! How beautiful! Or they think of Carl Sandburg's semi famous poem about fog in SF -

The fog comes
on little cat feet

It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on

Wow! Sounds great, I'll take two.
But here's what fog is really like on the ground...















It's dark, it's damp and it's depressing and it's here all week. Booooooo! Boo fog!

A Moment for Mumbai

Check out the Big Picture today for some unbelievable photos from the aftermath of the 60hr gunman attack on Mumbai.













Almost unbelievably, this man was shot at 5 times and was saved by the belt he was wearing!!!












Muslims release doves at a peace rally.

Picture 22 has been getting a lot of press in the media first as the face of suffering for the Mumbai attacks and subsequently to illustrate what white centric, imperialist, devils we are. Check it out.

Does This Make You Feel Less Safe???

From Gawker -
The lovely ladies of Barack's National Security team are short!!!








What if there's hand to hand combat?! How will they stare down Vald Putin?? What if the 3am call comes on a phone that's on a really high shelf?

But seriously, people...this gets a 'bitch please!' No one had a phone book, dictionary, milk crate or pair of Dansko's handy? This is your National Security team Barry, don't make them look like they just got up from the kiddie table in the kitchen.

Tina Fey - Cover Girl

Tina - so cute on the cover of Vanity Fair. Points off for being written by Maureen Dowd but whatev...it's still Tina.

“Annie (Liebovitz)’s going to photograph my soul, right?”

Haha! No! But don't worry Tina, Photoshop will make you look weird and alieny.