Simpsons to go Postal

Sorry, I know that joke is total low hanging fruit but it completely blocked out all other jokes with it's obviousness.
Point? The USPS is creating a series of postage stamps with Marge, Homer, Bart, Lisa and Maggie on them. This is great news but so much of what makes the Simpsons great is the ancillary characters.

My favorite extra characters are Mr. Burns and Nelson but just the addition of Maggie's nemesis, the baby with the unibrow, to the opening montage puts a sting of joy in my heart every Sunday. Too dorky? It's hard to tell sometimes.

PS. Did you know that the Simpsons is the longest running prime time comedy in TV history?? It makes sense since when it debuted Bart and I were the same age.

Kurt and That Bitch Who Wasn't Me

If you're a girl (woman) in her late 20s early 30s chances are you're still mad that your mom threw out all your Sassys when you went to college.
I am. Mom.

This cover is probably their most famous since Kurt played a big part in all of our collective sexual maturation. By which I mean serious wet panties.
Sigh! Plus nobody but nobody could get Kurt on the cover of a magazine at that time. Adorably Kurt loved Sassy and had gotten his little half sister a subscription. Aw.

Christina Kelly, the lucky bitch who got to interview Kurt (and Courtney) for that issue, is interviewed today on I Heart Daily cause this April is the 15th anniversary of Kurt's death. (!!!)
There's nothing really new in it but it's nice to remember being 16 and horny.

The orig interview is actually much more interesting and I Heart Daily was nice enough to scan it so go ahead, indulge yourself!

A Million Sorries!

I know I've been beyond out of the loop, a bad mommy, and ruler in absentia for far too long. I'm going to try harder, be funnier, and look prettier from here on out.

Mea culpa:
Uh, no, I don't know what's going on here. What are we to believe is happening to her crotch?

Terminator-a-fication?
Is it turning into a Disney's the Jungle Book snack kiosk for adults?

I tend to trust her so I'm just going to assume that it's a Lisa Frank, Matthew Barney collaboration.
FINALLY!

Bad Paintings of Obama!

Um, I think you mean awesome paintings of Obama!!!

Van Halen...J'Acuse!

You can't just write 'Hot for Teacher' and then expect lady teachers to NOT have sex with their students, am I right?

Oh, you can?

I kid!

But in stone faced seriousness, I'm totally, totally fascinated with lady teacher - male middle school student sex. In a way that's prob way out of sync with the fact that we're talkin' child abuse here.

So without further incriminating comment... here's a bunch of stories about female teachers abusing their students! Wheeee, voyeurism!

Start with this 1st one from Rolling Stone because it's the juiciest and takes place in the dirty Jerz, aka New Jersey. Sex, Lies, and Phys Ed.

These 3 bitches all teach in Florida and were all arrested within 2 weeks of each other. Swamp fever!

In this one The New York Post has the nerve to call Lina Sinha a, '...sultry headmistress' after 2 boys (boys like 12 yrs old) came out with accusations of abuse. She's only being charged with statutory rape.

And from the lady who started the whole fad (drumroll......) an update on Mary Kay Letourneau and her husband Vili who she started dating when he was 12!

If you're not as familiar with their story as I am (by which I mean, intimately) here's a breakdown.
Their relationship is really the Coke Classic, the Air Jordans if you will of school sex scandals.

Enjoy!

Moobs

I hate to come back with this one, BUT I have free time and this article about 'Moobs', the sobriquet for Man Boobs, really caught my fancy.

From the very 1st sentence:

Search the newspaper archives and it's only when you get to 2004 that the "moob" heaves forth into the bra of popular culture.

Always a fan of a heaving bosom, even a metaphorical one.

Oh, who's this gentleman with the moob six pack? That's Ron from this seasons Biggest Looser. His moobs have been on quite a journey over the past couple weeks, though they are still a frightening, cautionary tale.

Side note: I have cable now and spent all last night watching Half Ton Teen, Half Ton Mom, and Half Ton Dad. TLC is AH-mazing! They might as well call it oddities and surgery.
The best!

This marathon also helped me to pick out my next career goal!
Do you know that there are people who's whole job is to, like, be your friend and help you with hospital stuff while you're getting gastric bypass?
That could be me! Patient liaison!