Say it ain't so Sophia!!!
Truly a roll model for all girls who yearn to crack wise.
You will be missed.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
RIP Estelle Getty
Say it ain't so Sophia!!!
Truly a roll model for all girls who yearn to crack wise.
You will be missed.
Monday, July 21, 2008
More adventures in focus groups
I had an awesome one today!!
First of all it was near my work and only half an hour so I could do it on my lunch break. That's rad because I didn't have to wake up at 6:30a to go before work nor did I have to go after work which can ruin a chance to go out or do laundry.
Second, they paid me in cash which is great because what's better than cash?
Nothing. And I'll tell you, last week Adobe pawned off these $100 American Express gift checks on us, ugh. I mean obvi I took it, duh, but that's the kind of thing that sits in your wallet for 2 years because you never know when slash where to use it. If you're me. Which I am.
Don't worry, I pawned it off on boyfriend since I still owe him some money from unemployed times.
Problem solved. For me anyway. I definitely forecast finding it in his wallet in 2 years.
Thirdly, they told me I gave the best feedback of anyone they had in all their groups. Well first the guy was like, 'What's your level of education?' and immediately I was on guard because not only do I work for a graduate school, everyone in my family is totally over educated and I'm the only one with only a bachelors. And, to top it off its a Bachelor of Fine Arts. So, I'm a little sensitive when people ask about my level of education. But then he was like, we should get more BFAs in here.
You should know that with me, compliments will get you everywhere.
Compliments and cash, two great tastes that taste great together.
First of all it was near my work and only half an hour so I could do it on my lunch break. That's rad because I didn't have to wake up at 6:30a to go before work nor did I have to go after work which can ruin a chance to go out or do laundry.
Second, they paid me in cash which is great because what's better than cash?
Nothing. And I'll tell you, last week Adobe pawned off these $100 American Express gift checks on us, ugh. I mean obvi I took it, duh, but that's the kind of thing that sits in your wallet for 2 years because you never know when slash where to use it. If you're me. Which I am.
Don't worry, I pawned it off on boyfriend since I still owe him some money from unemployed times.
Problem solved. For me anyway. I definitely forecast finding it in his wallet in 2 years.
Thirdly, they told me I gave the best feedback of anyone they had in all their groups. Well first the guy was like, 'What's your level of education?' and immediately I was on guard because not only do I work for a graduate school, everyone in my family is totally over educated and I'm the only one with only a bachelors. And, to top it off its a Bachelor of Fine Arts. So, I'm a little sensitive when people ask about my level of education. But then he was like, we should get more BFAs in here.
You should know that with me, compliments will get you everywhere.
Compliments and cash, two great tastes that taste great together.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Annette Obrestad: my new HERO
Do you know that when Oprah talks about a female hero she calls her a 'she-ro'
Yeah I can't support that. Sorry Oprah.
More on topic have you heard about this awesome bitch??? I read about Annette first in BUST though of course I can't link bc they're the kind of magazine that wants you to BUY the magazine to read the content. Ugh, you can read her profile here though, and really, she's all over the damn place if you read poker sites.
She's 19, she lives in Norway and she's the youngest winner of the World Series of Poker (you get a bracelet) and the only female player to EVER rank #1 in online poker play.
Whatever, I know, you don't care about poker, especially online poker.
Well how about how she won a 180 person online tournament without looking at her cards!!! Well she peeked one time during an all in situation. BUT STILL!!!
She's like a zillionaire now and she's only getting started, keep your eye on her! Or don't worry, I will for you.
Yeah I can't support that. Sorry Oprah.
More on topic have you heard about this awesome bitch??? I read about Annette first in BUST though of course I can't link bc they're the kind of magazine that wants you to BUY the magazine to read the content. Ugh, you can read her profile here though, and really, she's all over the damn place if you read poker sites.
She's 19, she lives in Norway and she's the youngest winner of the World Series of Poker (you get a bracelet) and the only female player to EVER rank #1 in online poker play.
Whatever, I know, you don't care about poker, especially online poker.
Well how about how she won a 180 person online tournament without looking at her cards!!! Well she peeked one time during an all in situation. BUT STILL!!!
She's like a zillionaire now and she's only getting started, keep your eye on her! Or don't worry, I will for you.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Chain of wierdness
See if you can follow. I'm not saying you aren't smart, I'm just saying this shit is kind of weird.
1. Orgasmic Birth
Just what is sounds like! Maybe you should think about getting your rocks off while pushing that watermelon out. There's a new movie out called, yes, 'Orgasmic Birth' which explores how 'Women can experience birth as sensual and pleasurable, and can enter a natural state of ecstasy.'
Warning, as soon as you load the page a video will start of pregnant women groaning in ecstasy, so prob not safe for work. Also if that sort of thing might freak you out then it's not safe for you at all.
Honestly, orgasmic birth sounds a little kooky but then again, like a pretty rad alternative to a shitty predicament. Let's hope it takes off.
2. Dolphin assisted birth
See now we're sliding down the kooky scale a few notches. Okay more than a few.
Did you know that 'Dolphins have an affinity with the baby in the womb and are automatically attracted to pregnant women. They sense when a woman is about to give birth and gather round. They give both the mother and child a sense of protection and safety,' says Charkovsky.
Does that sound right??
That's not all! 'Research sufficient for us and experience since 1976 has shown that dolphins are able to improve or heal a wide variety of conditions including depression, autism, Down's syndrome, cerebral palsy, and microephaly'
Interested??? Take the seminar!! Because, Dolphins are not only masterful midwives, but they are elegant programmers of our cellular blueprint.
But you knew that already.
3. My wife left me when the dolphins at Sea World gave me an erection
I love advice columns, love, love, love. Probably because I'm bossy and also like to tell people how to live their lives. I read a bunch weekly, even the one's I don't like, and one of those is Cary Tennis on Salon. However, this week's really gave me pause.
Who in the world can resist reading about a man who's wife left him for getting an erection at Sea World.
No need to read the advice Cary gives but def read the question as it includes such gems as, 'I admired their soft slippery skin. It was just so exotic; I had never felt that way before. Looking at those soft underbellies and long slender fins was like seeing the face of god.'
4. Man accused of possessing 10s of thousands of images of octopus porn escapes jail sentence.
How the fuck do you have sex with an octopus??? Don't they have, like, beaks?
I don't want it to sound like he singled octopi out, he also had images of people having sex with dogs and ponies (which is kind of like vanilla animal porn) and snakes (again how??) and tigers, which seems a bad idea all around. Some insight in to why he wanted to have sex with octopi: he was self conscious about his teeth.
Thank god my parents forced me to get braces. Cause you know, I didn't really want them.
1. Orgasmic Birth
Just what is sounds like! Maybe you should think about getting your rocks off while pushing that watermelon out. There's a new movie out called, yes, 'Orgasmic Birth' which explores how 'Women can experience birth as sensual and pleasurable, and can enter a natural state of ecstasy.'
Warning, as soon as you load the page a video will start of pregnant women groaning in ecstasy, so prob not safe for work. Also if that sort of thing might freak you out then it's not safe for you at all.
Honestly, orgasmic birth sounds a little kooky but then again, like a pretty rad alternative to a shitty predicament. Let's hope it takes off.
2. Dolphin assisted birth
See now we're sliding down the kooky scale a few notches. Okay more than a few.
Did you know that 'Dolphins have an affinity with the baby in the womb and are automatically attracted to pregnant women. They sense when a woman is about to give birth and gather round. They give both the mother and child a sense of protection and safety,' says Charkovsky.
Does that sound right??
That's not all! 'Research sufficient for us and experience since 1976 has shown that dolphins are able to improve or heal a wide variety of conditions including depression, autism, Down's syndrome, cerebral palsy, and microephaly'
Interested??? Take the seminar!! Because, Dolphins are not only masterful midwives, but they are elegant programmers of our cellular blueprint.
But you knew that already.
3. My wife left me when the dolphins at Sea World gave me an erection
I love advice columns, love, love, love. Probably because I'm bossy and also like to tell people how to live their lives. I read a bunch weekly, even the one's I don't like, and one of those is Cary Tennis on Salon. However, this week's really gave me pause.
Who in the world can resist reading about a man who's wife left him for getting an erection at Sea World.
No need to read the advice Cary gives but def read the question as it includes such gems as, 'I admired their soft slippery skin. It was just so exotic; I had never felt that way before. Looking at those soft underbellies and long slender fins was like seeing the face of god.'
4. Man accused of possessing 10s of thousands of images of octopus porn escapes jail sentence.
How the fuck do you have sex with an octopus??? Don't they have, like, beaks?
I don't want it to sound like he singled octopi out, he also had images of people having sex with dogs and ponies (which is kind of like vanilla animal porn) and snakes (again how??) and tigers, which seems a bad idea all around. Some insight in to why he wanted to have sex with octopi: he was self conscious about his teeth.
Thank god my parents forced me to get braces. Cause you know, I didn't really want them.
Regrets? I've had a few...
I'm up at 9:30 on Saturday morning posting to my blog because I almost killed myself Thursday night partying with some lady friends.
Friday work was excruciating and though I should be happy and grateful for my new job which I like so much, instead I was hiding and trying to stay awake, and um, not throw up again.
I realized that I frequently use the excuse of, "When I'm with 'person x' I get too excited, party too hard and endanger my health."
This is the excuse usually goes to my boyfriend since he's the one always dealing with the aftermath.
He called shenanigans on that yesterday morning pointing out that in the past month 'person x' has encompassed no less than 6 different individuals! The thought dawned on me that maybe they don't have an overwhelming party effect on me, it may in fact be me that is the bad influence. (sad trombone music)
I will take this epiphany to heart and try to moderate a little more when I'm partying for the rest of the summer.
To showcase the destruction of Thursday night, here is the text chain between myself, and my two friends Lynsey and Mandy from Friday morning.
Lynsey to me: woke up in my bed naked w/my radio ON Mexican music playing. have to get my atm card from the owl tree this am...god Damn u r fun lol
Me to Lynsey: OMG I'm dying! Jake said I stumbled in reeking of perfume made fun of what he was watching, threw up and then got in bed and started snoring. Bad girlfriend!
Lynsey to me: That is the most amazing story. I smell like perfume too! WTF
Me to Mandy: (she's a little more of a lightweight) Are you okay? Sorry!
Mandy to me: How did I get home? threw up in my bed ;) Called in sick to work. I had fun you girls are wild :)
..................................................................................................................
Update: As of right now, Mandy will no longer go out with Lynsey and me for fear of the aftermath
Friday work was excruciating and though I should be happy and grateful for my new job which I like so much, instead I was hiding and trying to stay awake, and um, not throw up again.
I realized that I frequently use the excuse of, "When I'm with 'person x' I get too excited, party too hard and endanger my health."
This is the excuse usually goes to my boyfriend since he's the one always dealing with the aftermath.
He called shenanigans on that yesterday morning pointing out that in the past month 'person x' has encompassed no less than 6 different individuals! The thought dawned on me that maybe they don't have an overwhelming party effect on me, it may in fact be me that is the bad influence. (sad trombone music)
I will take this epiphany to heart and try to moderate a little more when I'm partying for the rest of the summer.
To showcase the destruction of Thursday night, here is the text chain between myself, and my two friends Lynsey and Mandy from Friday morning.
Lynsey to me: woke up in my bed naked w/my radio ON Mexican music playing. have to get my atm card from the owl tree this am...god Damn u r fun lol
Me to Lynsey: OMG I'm dying! Jake said I stumbled in reeking of perfume made fun of what he was watching, threw up and then got in bed and started snoring. Bad girlfriend!
Lynsey to me: That is the most amazing story. I smell like perfume too! WTF
Me to Mandy: (she's a little more of a lightweight) Are you okay? Sorry!
Mandy to me: How did I get home? threw up in my bed ;) Called in sick to work. I had fun you girls are wild :)
..................................................................................................................
Update: As of right now, Mandy will no longer go out with Lynsey and me for fear of the aftermath
Monday, July 14, 2008
Take my couture...Please!
Ba-dum-pum.
What do we think about this???
Louis Vuitton's new line of bags emblazoned with Henny Youngman jokes.
I know it's hard to tell from the picture but here's some of the jokes:
Every time I meet a woman who can cook like my Mother....She looks like my Father.
and
My wife went to the beauty shop and got a mud pack. For two days she looked beautiful. Then the mud fell off.
That kind of old, Jewish, dinner theater in the Catskills humor that riffes on the state of marital relations 'that were'. That were right?
I know I should be kind of icked out by bringing that old, gendered sensibility into 2008 unedited (I mean even James Bond is kind of pc now) but my Dad is a HUMONGOUS Henny Youngman fan. He had my sister Rachel and I spouting, 'Take my wife...please' years before we got the joke, which is kind of, um, mean, especially given that my Mother is his wife. Whenever I visit home I can always crack him up by saying, 'I just flew in from California...and boy are my arms tired.'
Good one! That never gets old! Seriously it doesn't for my Dad. It's like how I still think that Budwiser comercial from the late 90's where the guys just say, 'WAZZZZUP' to each other is advertising's gift to humanity.
I'm not an impartial judge is what I'm saying, instead of icking me out its making me want to go find the family picture where we're all wearing those Groucho Marx glasses with the nose and moustache.
On the other hand, the collision of high fashion and anything I associate with my Dad, who unironically wears a calculator watch, is a little bewildering. It also makes me want to swipe that calculator watch, to wear ironically.
Kind of awesome, right?
What do we think about this???Louis Vuitton's new line of bags emblazoned with Henny Youngman jokes.
I know it's hard to tell from the picture but here's some of the jokes:
Every time I meet a woman who can cook like my Mother....She looks like my Father.
and
My wife went to the beauty shop and got a mud pack. For two days she looked beautiful. Then the mud fell off.
That kind of old, Jewish, dinner theater in the Catskills humor that riffes on the state of marital relations 'that were'. That were right?
I know I should be kind of icked out by bringing that old, gendered sensibility into 2008 unedited (I mean even James Bond is kind of pc now) but my Dad is a HUMONGOUS Henny Youngman fan. He had my sister Rachel and I spouting, 'Take my wife...please' years before we got the joke, which is kind of, um, mean, especially given that my Mother is his wife. Whenever I visit home I can always crack him up by saying, 'I just flew in from California...and boy are my arms tired.'
Good one! That never gets old! Seriously it doesn't for my Dad. It's like how I still think that Budwiser comercial from the late 90's where the guys just say, 'WAZZZZUP' to each other is advertising's gift to humanity.
I'm not an impartial judge is what I'm saying, instead of icking me out its making me want to go find the family picture where we're all wearing those Groucho Marx glasses with the nose and moustache.
On the other hand, the collision of high fashion and anything I associate with my Dad, who unironically wears a calculator watch, is a little bewildering. It also makes me want to swipe that calculator watch, to wear ironically.
Kind of awesome, right?
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