Shout out!!

Just have to give one to one of my very B, GBFs, Dimitri, who is coming to see me all the way from Sunny Phoenix this 4th of July. I even told him that the 4th is almost always the coldest week of the summer, but he was not deterred.
(But for reals!!! I can never get over having to wearing mittens to the fire works! This is not how California looks on TV to a young, impressionable Jersey girl.)

Just to prove his awesome-nicity here's an excerpt from his email to me about visiting:

Anyway, I AM SOOO EXCITED! Break out the Asti Spumante, cause I'm getting ready to rock with your posse!

Oh, and tell you BF that I am gay and he won't have to worry...I want to be you, not sleep with you!!!!

I think you could all learn a lesson about admitting you want to be me.
Don't be scared, no one will judge you.

Oh, and this is how he responded to me asking what airport he was flying into:

Oakland, Duh. SF is for hippies:)

Asserting Oakland's superiority over San Francisco is always like a sucker punch to the heart for me. Some people are just disgustingly perfect.

What do you do when you're unemployeed?

I had a very interesting unemployed week this week. I say unemployed though I did do a few things that involved getting paid. I mean unemployed in a 'regular gig' kind of way.

One of the ways that I scavenge money from the landscape is by doing contract work for my previous employer. If you're thinking write a press release, or design a web page then you don't have my kind of work history mister sister. Contract work for me meant getting up at 8am on Saturday morning to lead 15 Bay Area singles on a 4 hour hike in the rain. Wheeeee!

Monday I repainted 2 dressers, I have all the time in the world, but limited paint. I have only the choice of colors my friends have painted their walls. Leftovers-ville, but honestly they look pretty good, and significantly less like furniture I bought or found on the street.

Wednesday I made the mistake of going to one of those 'Job Fairs' that sometimes spring up in downtown hotels. Since I am not interested in becoming an SF police officer (I don't care how many posters they put up in BART showing smiling cops patrolling the Presidio on bikes, I am not buying what you are selling.) nor do I want to drive a MUNI bus, it was kind of a waste of an interview shirt.

Wednesday night I got a text from Alika at 10pm saying 'I'm at the Alley if you get a wild hair'. I think is was her use of wild hair that really got me, even though I was already in my pjs. 10 may be late to go out if you have a job but...

Also if you don't live in Oakland, and you don't know the Alley, it's kind of special, to me anyway. the decor can best be described as a set for a hobo comedy set in the 20's complete with fake pawnshop exterior and old laundry hanging from the wall. I searched google but couldn't find a photo of the awesome portrait of the owner but here's a pretty good photo of the interior.














What the Alley is really known for though is Ron Dibble.
He's somewhere around 200 years old and he knows the words and music to every American song written before 1965. Frustrated musical theater majors have been gathering around his piano for decades and it lends a really rad vibe to the hobo theme.

BC unemployment I snuck in my own liquor and just ordered soda water all night (don't worry I tipped luxuriously). When the drinks are basically free and you don't have to work in the morning the night can easily lead you to the late night karaoke box when the bars close.
You have not lived till you've heard me sing the Pussycat Dolls 'Stickwitu'

However, sometimes it takes till 3:30am to remember that you have a phone interview at 9:30 in the morning. Yikes!

So at 9am Thursday morning I dragged myself out of bed, and I'm old so I was spectacularly hung over, to talk about my experience with a man who sells sex toys, and to convince him that I would be a natural for setting up sex education seminars for him.

Then another reality hit me, I had to drive to Fremont, which is 40 miles away, to participate in a market research study. Another creative money making venture. I won't go into the details but I was probably the most negative study participant they ever had. For some reason when it was over I couldn't find my car in the parking lot and had to walk around locking and unlocking the door with the little key chain thing that does just that.
Don't worry, I found it, I'm not still in Fremont.
(Fremont fun fact: Fremont has the largest population of Afghanis outside of Afghanistan. It's true!)

Today, Friday, I got to do the radest unemployed thing of all! There's a semi new publication out of SF called Meatpaper (there's a link to the right) and yes I'm a vegetarian, but it's like the most interesting magazine ever. A week or 2 ago I wrote them saying I had an abundance of nothing but free time and would love to meet up to help out in some way, and today I got to have lunch with one of the editors. Yes!!! So hopefully I will be able to start working with them in some way soon. Not really as a job but just as an awesome side dish.

So that's my week in unemployment! Enjoy it while it lasts because some grade A shit like me is not going to be on the market forever.

Best. Oprah. Ever.

I really don't care, yes I love Oprah.
Yes, I watch her every day.
Yes, I got Tivo when I got a 9-5 specifically so I wouldn't miss her shows.
So what!

Some times she disappoints, I'm not so into her celebrity interviews and shows where she gives shit away. I mean, every episode can't be women who got gastric bypass, lost hundreds of pounds and then became sex addicts or alcoholics. Those gems are to be relished when they come.

But yesterday Oprah really delivered, for real!

First of all the topic was people struggling with OCD which is probably my favorite mental disability to hear about. So awesome.
Then it had Dr. Oz, who is one of my TV boyfriends.
Love him!
(via. Oprah.com)






Then the doctors and the OCD people all met up on the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, also known as the Rocky steps, also known as the place my Mom works as a docent.
Sweet!








Then to cap it all off, they took a bus to Camp Ockanickon, a camp we used to go to when I was in (ahem) Girl Scouts. Which was nice, because, memories. It's also the first place I learned about the Jersey Devil and how he was going to come eat us if we didn't 'Shut the fuck up and go to sleep already!'

The show totally delivered. I don't want to ruin it for you but toilet seats were licked and pancakes were thrown up and in the end everyone was able to stop combing the fringe on their rug, use the toilet and eat food with their hands! Yay for everyone!

If you want a recap and more pictures, check it out!!

Sad meals :(

I'm half Jewish (my Mom always says the conversion didn't take) and all Jews are brought up to be food obsessed basket cases. Always wondering where their next meal will come from and what it will be. Of course since my Mom's a Lutheran my family always wonders the same thing about our next drink. At family functions I'm constantly worried over for not eating and drinking enough.
Which sounds weird, I know.

Anyway, yes I'm food obsessed but I've def taken it in a different direction than my sister who has the pizza place around the corner on her speed dial, my Mom who remembers every meal she had in ever restaurant in every city in the world, and my Dad who just wants to be left alone to eat curred meats and onions on everything.

My food habits are sad (I think). My diet is based on a complex metric of healthy-ness, low fat-ness, cheapness and how many dishes will have to be cleaned in the wake of cooking. I absolutely loath washing dishes, and I try not to create more than one or two dirty dishes per day. Keep in mind too, I'm eating all me meals at home since I have no work to go to.
This leads to me eating a high number of fake meat products and baby carrots.

Here are some (sad) examples of recent meals-

In fact the concept for this post came to me as I was eating breakfast this morning:
Coffee, low-fat cheese on low-fat crackers and some sugar snap peas.

Last night for dinner I had:
a strawberry mochi, 2 veggie hot dogs (no bun, no plate, no mustard) a hand full of crackers and later some fruit salad at Erin's graduation ceremony (way to go Erin!!)

Earlier in the day I had:
a Totino's frozen pizza (my weakness!) 2 veggie burgers (also no bun or condiments) and a low fat cheese stick.

This is actually too pathetic to go on with but you get the idea.
I remember Jake one time asking me what was my favorite restaurant in San Francisco, a city chock full of amazing restaurants, literally to the gills, and I said Herbivore because most of the meals are healthy and low fat and it's really cheap. Le sigh.
So uncultured.

Pretend Fabulocity

So, yes...in between jobs, on vacation, as Jason called it 'fun-employed'.
For the time being.

I've been doing a absolutely horrible job of picking out jobs for the past couple of years and I'm trying to make sure I don't fuck up again. Which, apparently, takes a few months.

Obviously there's a ton of perks to not working, principle among them being the fact that I don't have to work, but there is one great reason to go to work, and that is the $$$$$!!!!!!!!

Now I can pinch a penny till it runs crying for it's mother but I really fucking miss shopping. I know, it's materialistic and things don't make us happy and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but I'm low and I'm covetous and probably empty inside. I want a new dress.


I want this dress.
and it's 40% off on Overstock and I still can't buy it. Yet.












I also want this dress, and likewise it's not going to happen.






It's pretend shopping, and it's just as fun as being outside enjoying the sunshine!!!$$$!!!






Lynda Barry's new book
'What it is'
How can you resist reviews like, "...puts TV’s The Wonder Years to shame.” —Entertainment Weekly

Plus Barry invented the best female comic book character ever MARLYS and you should all buy read and become obsessed with "The Greatest of Marlys"
NOW!!!




Um, since we're dreaming...
A 1945 auto photo booth, and it comes with all the chemicals and even has the original owner's manual! Can you lend me $16,500? Thanks, you're a pal!













What do you preffer? The Maltapoo, the Cockapoo or the Shihpoo?


















I know it's not an easy decision...I'm leaning towards the one that's hardest to pronounce.

The Double Die Penny, very rare. It can cost upwards of $1,000 but I think you'll agree, it's well worth it.












Can a stuffed Orangutan be too large? That's for the philosophers to decide. For me, I say no.




























Which is great, but now I need to find a sweet denim jacket so I can write 'If you can read this, you're too close' on the back in multi colored awesomeness.

Yes!! California Rules!

Same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry, the California Supreme Court ruled Thursday. -New York Times Online