You Tell ME a Better Name

Today on the comute to work the woman who picked me up (casual carpool, not shady hitch hiking style) was one of those furious radio station changers. 10 seconds of NPR, 10 of the local college station, 10 seconds of a cd, 10 seconds of gross out morning dj. So I don't know where in the mix this was but SOMEONE did a story about one of my favorite Oakland landmarks, God's Gym. On Broadway and 25th, right in the dag middle of the Auto Row.

I've always wondered, who are these people? Do they play Christian Rock in the step classes? Do the diet plans have olde tyme foods like dates and millet and what not? Do you not need a spotter because, well, Jesus?

We may never know...I didn't get to hear the whole program but it did make me want to share some sweet pictures so you could start wondering too. Let me know if you come up with any good theories.

Because scraggly, skinny, hipster Jesus is soooooooo 2008. This is the Jesus who will have your back.

36hr in Oakland!!

OMG! The NYTimes knows our name, and like totally told everyone we were fun to hang out with. Swoon!

Actually I think they make Oakland sound rather boring but that's because they just didn't know any fun parties to go to.

For some reason, the restaurant I used to work at has be come THE iconic Oakland breakfast restaurant. I suspect it has to do with the fact that they hire exclusively from the Suicide Girls rejection stack. Reviewers always have to say something about all the tattoos (At Mama’s, an oft-tattooed wait staff serves up hearty dishes like breakfast burritos). I actually had customers rather rudely demand to know where my tattoos were.

Ah, youth.

Long And Boring, No Pictures, How I'm Voting

I would never tell anyone how to vote, BUT I will provide you with how I'm voting in case you aren't up to date on all the issues and are easily swayed. I highlited the ones that are especially important, which you should definately agree with me on.

President: Obvi Barak Obama

State of California:
Prop 1A High Speed Rail: Yes
It's controversial because of the bad financial timing but I truly believe CA needs a high speed rail system. It will def save us all environmentally, in transportation construciton costs and just straight up monitarily when we travel.

Prop 2: Standards for Confining Farm Animals: Yes
Please vote yes for this, whether you eat meat or not I think we can all agree that we need to hold ourselves to a certain standard of humanity. I know a lot of people are saying it's going to put CA farmers out of business but that's what they said about seat belts too.
If you vote NO please don't tell me, I'll be upset.

Prop 3 Children's Hospital: Yes
Yes it's a ton of money but it's state money coming to Oakland Children's Hospital and as I will elaborate on later, Oakland is broke. If you live in Oakland you should vote for this measure. Plus, the children.

Prop 4 Parental Waiting Period for Minors Having Abortions: No
Sorry I just think we don't need more restrictions on our reproductive rights, even if you are a minor.

Prop 5 Non Violent Drug Offenses: Yes
Creates more programs for non violent drug offenders as an alternative to prison. Not only is it humane but it's one of the few propositions that will actually save CA money. Lots of money.

Prop 6 Police Funding: No
Set's a minimum amount to spend on cops per year. I think it's crazy to lock down so much money when the state's in a budget crisis.

Prop 7 Renewable Energy: No
If every environmental group in the country is against it, you should be too

Prop 8 Gay Marriage: NO
You must vote no on this, or we are not friends. We should not be in the business of taking away civil rights. This is based on fear and, I'm just going to say it, EVIL!

Prop 9 Victim's Rights in Parole: Abstain
I don't know enough about this one and it's really hard to balance the civil rights of the criminal with the basic rights of the victim. Sorry, I just don't know.

Prop 10 Alternative Fuels: No
It throws money all over the place, including helping people buy hybrids. Dumb use of funds

Prop 11 Redistricting: Yes
Right now our districts are drawn by the people who represent them creating a system where incumbents are elected 99% of the time. This prop will create a bi partisan commission chosen by lottery and overseen by lawyers. It's just fair.

Prop 12 Vetran's Bond Act: Abstain
I can't vote against vetrans, but I can't vote for such a huge expenditure of money. Sorry vetrans.


City of Oakland:
I have no knowleged of any of the supervisors or judges or school board members, sorry I usually just don't vote for them.

Measure N - No
This is the one that supposedly gives more money to teachers, but I find it to be vaguely worded and honestly, I'm sorry but Oakland has no money for anything, including teachers. Sorry.

Measure NN - abstain
This one's a parcel tax to hire more police officers and update our crime labs. Obvi we need that but I'm just against allocating funds from the ballot box.

Measure OO - No
This one would fund after school programs which I'm also very pro but again, Oakland has no $$$ and I don't believe now is the time for voters to be hamstringing the budget.

Measure VV - Yes
This is a parcel tax fund MUNI. Though there will be output of money in the beginning I believe this will save us money in the future, environmentally, in road construction and in taxes since MUNI is a vital link for many people and their work.

Measure WW - Yes
This one creates a bond (that's repayable) to extend the East Bay Regional Park District. It seems frivolous to fund this expansion except beyond the benefits, EBRPD has proven to leverage bond money with a super low cost to tax payers. However it's still more funding that I believe legislators should be in charge of apropriating.

RIP Nancy Maynard

Who???
Nancy Maynard was the 1st black, female reporter for the NYTimes AND she and her husband owned and ran the Oakland Trib for 9 damn years.

That's not all! She and said hubby founded the Maynard Institution for Journalism Education, she was the 1st president, training zillions (okay hundreds) of minority reporters and changing the complexion of news rooms all over the country.

What did you do today?

Oakland, the sunny side of the bay

A lot of times people (people who live outside Oakland) think I live in Oakland only because I lack the funds to live elsewhere. That, given the chance, I'd move to SF. They usually try to commiserate with me or tell me about their friend who's subletting a room in some part of the city I would never want to live.
Well, such people need to step. I have many metric tons of Oakland pride and wouldn't move to the city even if I did have gobs of money. Which I obvs don't, but whatever.

I also tend to think my neighborhood is very safe. Of course everyone thinks their neighborhood is safe. My friend who's seen 3 murders on her street, and I mean on her block, including one corpse IN THE STREET, worries about parking on my street over night.

In fact I was giving her and my other friend and the bf a big indignant speech how living below Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd doesn't always indicate shady times no matter what Chris Rock says, when our friend called to say he'd just been punched in the face right on my doorstep!! And for no worse crime than being dressed dorky and having a basket on his bike.
Heh, dork.
Anyway I never got punched, my car's never been broken into and no one's ever said anything worse to me than 'damn you look sexy today' and really, that's kind of nice.

HOWEVER I checked out this interactive map of homicides in Oakland this year, and there have been 3 murders within 3 blocks of my house. Gulp.





And then I read this choice quote from the East Bay Express's crime blotter. Note for non East Bayers: Piedmont is a town that's basically inside Oakland, but became it's own thing when it realized it was full of money and didn't want it's taxes going into Oakland's coffers.

Between 7 a.m. and 3 p.m. on July 5, Piedmont police records show reports of a house being egged, a loud leaf-blower, a blocked driveway, two off-leash dogs, a car parked too long, "a suspicious person carrying a plastic bag," a dead rat, and a dead cat. That's it. Within those same hours in Oakland, police records show five shootings, an assault with a deadly weapon, three armed robberies, a strong-arm robbery, an assault with a deadly weapon, and an unexplained death. That's it.

Oh is that all?

What do you do when you're unemployeed?

I had a very interesting unemployed week this week. I say unemployed though I did do a few things that involved getting paid. I mean unemployed in a 'regular gig' kind of way.

One of the ways that I scavenge money from the landscape is by doing contract work for my previous employer. If you're thinking write a press release, or design a web page then you don't have my kind of work history mister sister. Contract work for me meant getting up at 8am on Saturday morning to lead 15 Bay Area singles on a 4 hour hike in the rain. Wheeeee!

Monday I repainted 2 dressers, I have all the time in the world, but limited paint. I have only the choice of colors my friends have painted their walls. Leftovers-ville, but honestly they look pretty good, and significantly less like furniture I bought or found on the street.

Wednesday I made the mistake of going to one of those 'Job Fairs' that sometimes spring up in downtown hotels. Since I am not interested in becoming an SF police officer (I don't care how many posters they put up in BART showing smiling cops patrolling the Presidio on bikes, I am not buying what you are selling.) nor do I want to drive a MUNI bus, it was kind of a waste of an interview shirt.

Wednesday night I got a text from Alika at 10pm saying 'I'm at the Alley if you get a wild hair'. I think is was her use of wild hair that really got me, even though I was already in my pjs. 10 may be late to go out if you have a job but...

Also if you don't live in Oakland, and you don't know the Alley, it's kind of special, to me anyway. the decor can best be described as a set for a hobo comedy set in the 20's complete with fake pawnshop exterior and old laundry hanging from the wall. I searched google but couldn't find a photo of the awesome portrait of the owner but here's a pretty good photo of the interior.














What the Alley is really known for though is Ron Dibble.
He's somewhere around 200 years old and he knows the words and music to every American song written before 1965. Frustrated musical theater majors have been gathering around his piano for decades and it lends a really rad vibe to the hobo theme.

BC unemployment I snuck in my own liquor and just ordered soda water all night (don't worry I tipped luxuriously). When the drinks are basically free and you don't have to work in the morning the night can easily lead you to the late night karaoke box when the bars close.
You have not lived till you've heard me sing the Pussycat Dolls 'Stickwitu'

However, sometimes it takes till 3:30am to remember that you have a phone interview at 9:30 in the morning. Yikes!

So at 9am Thursday morning I dragged myself out of bed, and I'm old so I was spectacularly hung over, to talk about my experience with a man who sells sex toys, and to convince him that I would be a natural for setting up sex education seminars for him.

Then another reality hit me, I had to drive to Fremont, which is 40 miles away, to participate in a market research study. Another creative money making venture. I won't go into the details but I was probably the most negative study participant they ever had. For some reason when it was over I couldn't find my car in the parking lot and had to walk around locking and unlocking the door with the little key chain thing that does just that.
Don't worry, I found it, I'm not still in Fremont.
(Fremont fun fact: Fremont has the largest population of Afghanis outside of Afghanistan. It's true!)

Today, Friday, I got to do the radest unemployed thing of all! There's a semi new publication out of SF called Meatpaper (there's a link to the right) and yes I'm a vegetarian, but it's like the most interesting magazine ever. A week or 2 ago I wrote them saying I had an abundance of nothing but free time and would love to meet up to help out in some way, and today I got to have lunch with one of the editors. Yes!!! So hopefully I will be able to start working with them in some way soon. Not really as a job but just as an awesome side dish.

So that's my week in unemployment! Enjoy it while it lasts because some grade A shit like me is not going to be on the market forever.

At my 2nd home, the gym

When you're unemployed, which I currently am, you have to find ways to fill the day.
It's also good to build in some easy successes since applying for jobs involves so much seemingly wasted energy and straight up rejection.
That's why I spend a lot of time at my gym.
It's not that nice (someone who shall remain nameless called it "too ghetto", forever causing a black X to appear over her face when ever it surfaces on my consciousness) but it's cheap and has good equipment and isn't to crowded except at after work hours.
I also like it because it has a weird and perfect cross section of of Downtown Oakland.
(cont. below after Oakland montage)











I know, I forgot Tupac, but I feel he's become more associated with So. Cal rap.

Anyway, the gym today was weird.
Or, I had a lot of strange interactions with my fellow Downtown Oakland 24hr Fitness members, some of which were in my head (not the people, the interactions).

1. Some dudes were fixing the wiring in the women's locker room when I got there meaning, sorry, but we have to change in the damp bathroom stalls that don't even have purse hooks.
Now I know I might be more laid back about such bumps in the road than others since I have nothing to do and no where to go, at no o'clock today, but some bitches were seriously stressing.
I thought unnecessarily, I mean come on, some perspective people.

There was one woman in particular, one of those early forties, unfortunate outfit, I work from home with my cats and if I don't get home in an hour to take my scrunchies out of the wash they're going to shrink and you know you can never get that mildew smell out of a wet scrunchie kind of women.
She probably goes to the gym for the same reason I do, to break up the day.
Anyway she was being a total bitch to the desk guys who do not have jurisdiction over what get's wired when.

2. In a bit of deja vu I saw this guy at the gym who I had seen yesterday on a bike by my house. Why would I remember him? Well first of all he was wearing the same black and red spandex outfit (or an identical one?). And secondly he had the most ungodly ridiculous body and that almost caused me walk out in to traffic to get a better look.

Sorry but girls notice that kind of thing too, even if it's wrapped in black and red spandex.

The weird thing was was that at the gym it was basically me and him in this side area, not a stretching area but an area with a bunch of machines and some bikes and stair steppers. Unconcerned with conventionality he was doing the most crazy ass stretching I have ever seen. It got totally Circe du Soleil, and I am so not lying.

Yes, he did this exact move

He was RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and watching him back bend on to the ab machine was a VERY confusing experience. Was it gay, was it hot, was it all a show for me and the people on the stair steppers? He was wearing wrap around sun glasses and I did't want check out his face too much because I couldn't tell where he was looking, so I don't know if his face was hot or not.
Really weird.


3. When I was done with my work out and went back in the bathroom stalls to change into my street clothes I was accosted by a tiny, giggling, at least 70yr old Asian woman in a towel and flip flops, only. English, not so much, but a few more minutes of pointing and giggling and I figured it out. She wanted me to go into the locker room where the wiring guys were, go in to her locker and get her clothes so she could change in the relative privacy of the bathroom stalls.
Where in the locker room was this woman's locker?
That took a little longer, but it ended happily with her being able to get dressed and me not having to touch her underwear.

Yay!