To Amuse You

Is this a case of kicking a dog when it's down? Should I feel more sensitive to the beleaguered lot of the Republicans? Or should I just laugh, because, after all, isn't that what clowns are all about...bringing us joy?

via boingboing: Prominent Conservatives with photoshopped on clown makeup. Certainly no more offensive than the photoshopping that goes on in most women's mags. (ouch! Sorry, I hadn't filled my boner-killer quotient for the week.)

You really have to respect the artistry here. I mean, you can, like, see the stubble on Newt's cheek. Check out the flickr page of the genius behind this little piece of heaven.

John Waters, Can You Clear Something Up For Us

from BoingBoing:

JOHN WATERS: "Teabagging" is by my definition the act of dragging your testicles across your partner's forehead. In the UK it is dipping your testicles in your partner's mouth. I didn't invent the term or the act but DID introduce it to film in my movie "Pecker." "Teabagging" was a popular dance step that male go-go boys did to their customers for tips at The Atlantis, a now defunct bar in Baltimore. Hope this helps. -- John Waters

picture via jezebel

From the Files of WHAT?!?!?!

Up is down, left is right, Obama winning the election has truly turned the world upside down!

Rumors are all aswirl that Condi is in talks for a high level position in the 49ers club house.

Don't you dare make me like you Condi!!
Let the record show, though, that she has no team loyalty. She grew up a Browns fan, then became a Bronco's fan, even dating a wide receiver, and is now a rabid Redskins fan. Ugh! The Redskins suck! Boo!

Kooky Old White Man Lies About Past

I'm trying to run a clean campaign here but the truth is the truth. I can't just get off the straight talk express because I want a beer and a good night's sleep.
You see, I must trash talk McCain.
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Rolling Stone has an awesome article that's trash talk-licious. Did you know McCain is a shitty pilot with daddy issues???

John Sidney McCain III and George Walker Bush both represent the third generation of American dynasties. Both were born into positions of privilege against which they rebelled into mediocrity. Both developed an uncanny social intelligence that allowed them to skate by with a minimum of mental exertion. Both struggled with booze and loutish behavior. At each step, with the aid of their fathers' powerful friends, both failed upwardIn one vital respect, however, the comparison is deeply unfair to the current president: George W. Bush was a much better pilot.

BURN!!!!!!!

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Steven Almond at Nerve has a rundown of McCain's womanizing, mysoginistic ways. Featuring this gem of a joke John likes to trot out:

Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, "Where is that marvelous ape?"

Note that the article was written by a MAN, not another super sensitive boner-killer feminazi.

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And lastly, you know that guy from the last debate who McCain said probably hadn't heard about Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac before this current financial crisis started?? (pictured left)

Yeah, he had. He probably heard about them while he was getting his BA in PoliSci or his Masters in Legal Studies, or his SECOND Masters in Public Administration.
And yes, he did think it was condescending. Could this have anything to do with the fact that he's a young black man??? Nah!

Oh Those Feminazi Boner-killers

Honestly, I never heard about this guy before but: Jim Quinn, who has an apparently, VERY socially conservative radio program, thinks we get our feminist member cards at Planned Parenthood after we abort our 1st fetus. Then I guess, we eat the fetus.
Feminists, not so much with the mothering.

What??? Everyone knows you get your card after you provide proof you've laughed in the face of a naked man while pointing at his wiener and holding up your pinky finger. Also it can take 6-8 weeks. No, just kidding, they over night it.

He says Gloria Steinem hates on Ms. Palin because, "Palin blew it...she refused the sacrificial right of passage, better known as the Eucharist of the feminist church: abortion. That's right. She declined to slaughter her own unborn child, Trig, to the goddess of feminism, even after doctors told her that he was one of those Down syndrome 'throw-aways.' "

following it up with.."Gloria Steinem, think(s) the Preamble to the Declaration of Independence should've read, 'All women are endowed by Mother Earth with an inalienable right to eat their own young,'"

I'm sorry, that's just gross.
Question: Is there someone out there who really thinks feminists eat their aborted fetuses?? With relish? And possibly even with relish??? I think the public school system is letting them down. No child left behind my ass.

Heartless

Heehee! You know how they've been playing Heart's 'Barracuda' whenever anyone mentions Sarah Palin's name or she walks across a stage???
Well guess who was none too pleased about that?
Yeah, Heart.


Their first response was Thursday morning after hearing their song used in concert with Palin's appearance.

"We have asked the Republican campaign publicly not to use our music. We hope our wishes will be honored."

Polite but fair.
BUT! then the Republican's went and used it again last night, completely pissing off all Heart members, making them feel, "...completely fucked over"
So they had to, you know, for real now, make it clear,

"Sarah Palin's views and values in NO WAY represent us as American women. We ask that our song 'Barracuda' no longer be used to promote her image. The song 'Barracuda' was written in the late 70s as a scathing rant against the soulless, corporate nature of the music business, particularly for women...While Heart did not and would not authorize the use of their song at the RNC, there's irony in Republican strategists' choice to make use of it there."

Jeez Louise GOP! What do you need? Sky writing? Smoke signal? A subliminal brain wave sent through your molars by the IMF???
STOP PERVERTING A RAD SONG ALREADY!!!!!!!!

I couldn't do it...

The last day of the RNC went off without me. Boo.
I hovered over it in my tivo list 4 different times but I just couldn't pull the trigger. Chances of me watching it over the weekend while it's sunny and in the 80's?
Not good, people, not good.
I much prefer good times.

The hardest night yet!

Last night's RNC speeches required a Large amt of groaning and fast forwarding. I barely made it through any of Rudy Guliani's speech but I tried, tried, tried to make it through Palin's.

To me she is Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, but for reals.
'I may just be a humble hockey mom from Alaska, I may not understand your 'plumbing' and your 'foreign policy' and some in the LIBERAL MEDIA might consider me unqualified but I'm going to Washington to serve the proud people of America, not drink lattes and talk with foreign leaders who want to nuke our babies.
She also spent the 1st 10min (!) of her speech talking about her kids and her husband. Though not THAT KID. She concentrated mainly on the one who's being deployed to Iraq on Sept 11th and the one she didn't abort for having Down's Syndrome.


I will say that her husband is super hot! Holy cow!
The whole time I was watching her speech I was ping ponging between irritated huffing, puffing noises and pure wonderment that there are two people in their 40s who are this good looking living in Alaska. Are you with me???


Lastly, and just for fun (!) here's the AP's rundown of all the out and out lies and mere gross exaggerations Palin and other Republican's spouted in the past 2 days. For fun!

Taking the bullet for you!

It's much, much, harder to listen to speeches from outside my comfy liberal echo chamber, but here's some, very, superficial reactions to the 1st real day of the RNC.










1. To me this looked like cowboy sperms swimming towards the cowboy egg. I'm sorry but I could not watch his speech. Honestly I'm pretending he's not still where he is which I won't even name because that makes it hard to pretend he's not there. If that makes any sense.

2. Fred Thompson had something stuck in his throat and coughed a lot. Also he is really old, but folksy.

3. I was able to stand Joe Lieberman because I knew he was McCain's first pick for VP and I know they're both sad about not getting to run together cause they're besties. Of course Lieberman's semi almost Democratic politics went over with the conservative wing of the GOP about as well as a bill to hand out condoms, meth and Queer Eye dvds in every elementary school playground. Poor little jerk face.

More tomorrow, I'm really looking forward to Sarah Palin's speech. Obvi we've heard a lot about her and her outdoorsily named children but the only words I've heard her say is that endlessly recycled sound byte about being a 'hockey mom'.
So more to come!

Even when it hurts a Republican....

It still makes a kitten cry when real policy issues get ignored. Sometimes 2 kittens, if it involves teen pregnancy.
I'm not 100% sure about the math involved.

And now for the RNC

Seeing Sarah Palin like this is the closest I've ever come to voting Republican.

Damn them!!!
Their pandering is working!!!!

I will try to watch the speeches tonight and let you know if anything worthwhile happens, but I can't make any promises.