Ironic Hell

You know how in that movie Defending Your Life, when you're in the way-station between life and the afterlife you can eat whatever you want and not gain weight? Meryl Streep eats like 7 pies in a row, and that's always been a sad little fantasy of mine. Uh, but then I read about Lizzie Velasquez, who's living the dream, shoving fries and cake down her throat all day without gaining a pound.

But it's not as cute as you'd think, or I'd like to imagine in my elaborate pizza filled fantasies. She literally has zero (and I'm not talking hyperbolically here) percent body fat. Lizzie eats 8,000 calories a day but only weighs 62 pounds! That's obviously a picture of her over there. Of course instantly scientists want to find whatever gene or chromosome or whatever allows this to happen because, OMG WE COULD ALL BE THIN!

It's a two parter so make sure you read both.

Lizzie's plight, which she claims to enjoy (despite strangers knocking on her parents door to demand they feed their daughter) reminds me of women who have PGAD. For those not as obsessed with bizarre medical disorders as I am, that's persistent genital arousal disorder which is pretty much what it sounds like. These ladies are constantly turned on, 24/7, and are in need of rubbing one out up to 100 times a day.

Sounds pretty good in theory, and fertile ground for cracking wise, but not exactly convenient for those who need to go to work, pick the kids up at day care, or hug our relatives and anything else without mortifying sexual results. If you're like me and need more, more, more, about the heart break of PGAD click here and here and here. You are welcome.