Ironic Hell

You know how in that movie Defending Your Life, when you're in the way-station between life and the afterlife you can eat whatever you want and not gain weight? Meryl Streep eats like 7 pies in a row, and that's always been a sad little fantasy of mine. Uh, but then I read about Lizzie Velasquez, who's living the dream, shoving fries and cake down her throat all day without gaining a pound.

But it's not as cute as you'd think, or I'd like to imagine in my elaborate pizza filled fantasies. She literally has zero (and I'm not talking hyperbolically here) percent body fat. Lizzie eats 8,000 calories a day but only weighs 62 pounds! That's obviously a picture of her over there. Of course instantly scientists want to find whatever gene or chromosome or whatever allows this to happen because, OMG WE COULD ALL BE THIN!

It's a two parter so make sure you read both.

Lizzie's plight, which she claims to enjoy (despite strangers knocking on her parents door to demand they feed their daughter) reminds me of women who have PGAD. For those not as obsessed with bizarre medical disorders as I am, that's persistent genital arousal disorder which is pretty much what it sounds like. These ladies are constantly turned on, 24/7, and are in need of rubbing one out up to 100 times a day.

Sounds pretty good in theory, and fertile ground for cracking wise, but not exactly convenient for those who need to go to work, pick the kids up at day care, or hug our relatives and anything else without mortifying sexual results. If you're like me and need more, more, more, about the heart break of PGAD click here and here and here. You are welcome.

Just For Fun

In happier times, MJ was a friend to all, who knew how to have a good time.

Squirrels, Squirrels, Squirrels!

Sadly, LIFE magazine is all, "oh that picture is copywrited, you can't just take it and do what you please with it." So I'm going to have to use some serious powers of persuasion to get you to move your finger slightly in order to click on this link to see squirrel fashion plate, Tommy Tucker, dressed in the very best WWII era fashions. Yes, I said that.

Tommy (who later becomes a crossdresser) was rescued and domesticated by a DC woman in the 1940s.

Of course, I would never leave you totally pictureless. Here's a picture of 1980's subway vigalante, Bernie Goetz, with a squirrel friend. Since getting away with shooting 4 unarmed teenagers on a NYC subway he's

gone on to be an outspoken advocate for vegetarianism and a friend to urban squirrels. He builds them little houses to weather the winters and runs a squirrel infirmary out of his apartment. Uh, yay?

First Unlimited Porn, Now This

So you probably already know about Munchausen syndrome where someone makes themselves really sick to get attention, or the more popular Munchausen by proxy where someone makes their kid really sick to get attention. (Like that scene in The Sixth Sense) And if you're like me you're already obsessed with the disease. It seems that the pervasive anonymity of the internet along with easy access to online info about diseases and their symptoms has driven these Munchauseners into productive fits of glee. You've probably already heard at least one story about someone who faked being chronically sick on an internet forum for attention, but check out this totally fascinating breakdown in Obit Magazine of Munchausen by internet.

The files of chroniclers of such hoaxes...contain the case of a women who had a “friend” write that she had died when, in truth, the woman did not want to hand over patterns she had promised to members of her online knitting group.

What? Yes!

Oh and if you like advice column's I definitely suggest checking out Obit's Ask Judy. Really puts your problems into perspective.

Real Crime

Absolutely chilling, but 100% true story in this month's Vanity Fair about a private dick tracking down a serial rapist. Not to be read before bed or checking into the Miami Dade Airport Regency Hotel.

New in Brain Sharing Twins

Yeah, it's what you think it is, two and a half year old Canadian, craniopagusly

conjoined twins. They're obviously joined at the head but they also share part of their brain. Scientists think they maybe able to share thoughts and look out of each other's eyes. Freaky! Grow up already and learn to talk Tatiana and Krista (horrible names even for non conjoined twins) I need to know everything about you.

In case you were wondering, here are the world's oldest conjoined twins, Ronnie and Donnie Gaylon. Their father made his living charging thrill seekers to watch the twins sitting in a trailer watching TV. They were allowed to retire in 1991.