Psych! Funny Things Still Occuring!

I could seriously fly to Ohio and kiss Ms. Michelle Allen on the lips for returning a sense of the absurd to my life.

As you can see, she's dressed as a cow. Question: What was she doing before getting her mug shot taken in costume???
Answer: Chasing neighborhood kids, blocking traffic and peeing on a neighbor's porch. She actually got off with a warning the 1st time, but cops had to come back later that night because you can't keep a good woman in a cow suit down!!!

Also, she showed up to sentencing in costume. That's how you can tell a mad woman from a budding genius.

Michelle Allen, I salute you!!!

You're all Gonna Die!

Absolutely nothing funny is happening. Babies who eat puppies are literally the only ray of sunshine this week. So you just chew the hell out of that puppy girl, there's two more where that came from.

Well...I guess Jermain Dupri did puke in Janet Jackson's lap at his birthday party, but that's cold comfort.

RIP Paul Newman

Super smokin' hot, social conscience, delicious (and organic!) pasta sauce. What more could you ask for.

You will be missed you beautiful man. And I do mean MAN.

For the Record I Rep Coors Lite

Do you remember when Jay-Z got all up and (legitimately) pissed when the managing director of Cristal said he basically didn't understand what was up with hip hop's love of the brand but that there was nothing he could do about it? Holy at least subconscious racism Batman.

Jay Z called for a boycott, and started reping Ace of Spades, but for real now, the brand is still in effect. When you think 'ridiculous way to drink away my wealth' what comes to mind? Duh, Cristal. The once and future king of showing off.
Plus Cristal rhymes with pistol. Though in fairness, Krug rhymes with thug. Dom Perignon on the other hand...

A new study out this week in Psychology and Marketing shows that for good or bad brands will be forever linked in your mind with the celebs who rep them, whether on the pay roll or off. Actually especially off. I mean, honestly, I had zero interest in Air Force 1s until Nelly told me he needed 2 per. Now I need two per. Give me two per. I have the sudden urge to get to stompin' in them.

Obviously this is great if your brand targets the same audience the medium does ala 'Pass the Courvoisier' but bad if you're Burberry and you're looking to attract more of the 'bridle and pearls' set and less the 'fish and chips and public urination' set.

As a last and only tangentially related thought: I can't get 'Brush Your Shoulders Off' out of my head! It's been over a week and at this point my shoulders are pretty dirt free. Sigh

HaHa! Awesome!

Entertainment Weekly, the best bathroom read in the WORLD, exceeds expectations! How amazing is this week's cover?!?!?!?!?!?! Answer: Super! It could have been tragic if it didn't feature Jon and Stephen, but they're so on spot I wanna have this cover blown up to hang over my bed.
Well, not really but you know, I could look at it for a long time and have a good chortle.

Colbert's only worry??? "...that he's ''hippier'' than the potential First Lady. Gesturing at his own waist, he moans, ''I could drop a baby like a peasant.'''

I would like to go to pilates with Michelle, she is a damn brick house.

Kooky Old Man Wears Makeup

Of course there's a zillion things I could say about John McCain but I'm trying to keep it lite! Fluffy! Glamorous! To that end...





















Obvi everyone on TV wears ridiculous amounts of makeup so this is hardly revelatory BUT does everyone pay $5,500 per application??? Sorry, but if that's what he looks like with a high priced face job I shudder to think what he looks like naked. Shiver, I mean, shudder.

Is there a reality TV connection??? Duh, of course, it's psychedandsuch! The lady pictured here is Tifanie White who also did makeup for American Idol (hate) and So You Think You Can Dance (love). Make that money Tifanie! Maybe you can save up to spell your name right.

Totally Stolen Post

100% stolen from Gawker, but how could I resist?!











Can't wait to see Kanye's!

And...We're OUT!

I could not be more shocked!!!

















I spoke too soon!! Clay Aiken...GAY!?!?
Now you're going to tell me the Pope is Catholic!

What's New in Muppets?

First of all...how in the eff did they get this shot from the Great Muppet Caper??? It went on for-ever.

Second of all, great Muppet news all around! If you're into that kind of thing, and I am. There's a new Muppet movie coming out and it's being written by Jason Segel, from How I Met Your Mother and the writer/lead of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I've been crushed out on that kid since Freaks and Geeks, but I think I got over it after seeing him naked for so long in Forgetting. TMI Jason.

Anyway! He's a Muppet traditionalist so there'll be no Muppets from Space or Muppet Treasure Island funny business going on. I personally think Muppets from Space is hy-sterical, but I look forward to a return to a more Capery kind of movie. Especially if it involves synchronized swimmers, diamond theves and Miss Piggy on a motorcycle. Plus lots and lots of Animal, Janis and Dr. Teeth.


But wait! There's more!!
MTV is working on a 'black' version of the Muppets with Kanye West. You have to scroll way to the bottom for the brief mention. That's basically all the info I could find on that subject but I will obvi keep you posted.





..................................................................................................................

Update from bestie Jeff in Boston - brought to you from the good people at the muppet wiki - how the muppets rode bikes..TA-DA! My childhood is officially over.

RIP Nancy Maynard

Who???
Nancy Maynard was the 1st black, female reporter for the NYTimes AND she and her husband owned and ran the Oakland Trib for 9 damn years.

That's not all! She and said hubby founded the Maynard Institution for Journalism Education, she was the 1st president, training zillions (okay hundreds) of minority reporters and changing the complexion of news rooms all over the country.

What did you do today?

Lady Chatterley's Lov-ah...Is a Huge Dick

I'm reading Lady Chatterley's Lover on my commute, I'm very into the whole, 'dead white guy' genre, and it's one of those ones you should read. Right?

So through the whole thing I've been totally on the side of Connie's eponymous lover, the studly grounds keeper, and against her husband, the Proust spouting imperialist cripple. I mean, Lawrence makes it pretty clear who you're supposed to like, it's not rocket science.

HOWEVER! This morning Mellors (studly grounds keeper) went off on a RANT about all the ways women can be horrible in bed which encompass every single sexual encounter he's had.
Mellors and I are no longer cool, I don't care how many times he bathes himself in the wood on a spring morning!

Here's the list of ways women can suck at sex, as I see them, followed by a doozie of of a racial epithet!

1. The 'old fashioned sort' who don't want sex but will lie still and take it and then be nice to you afterwards. He hates that.

2. The kind of woman who pretends to like sex but doesn't. Doesn't like that either.

3. Women who love sex and foreplay but won't let you come inside them. Unnatural!

4. Women who can't come from sex alone and need to get themselves off. The worst kind, they're 'a hard sort'. He uses 'beak' to describe their vagina's like 8 times.

5. Women who are dead inside.

And, drum roll please.....

6. Lesbians. "I could kill them. When I'm with a woman who's really a Lesbian, I fairly howl in my soul wanting to kill her."

Uh, totally not the worst part. Here's how he ends the conversation, "I thought there was no real sex left: never a woman who'd really come naturally with a man (meaning when he comes) except maybe black women, and somehow, well, we're white men: and they're a bit like mud."

Yikes Mellors! When Connie goes to visit her family in Venice she should totes stay. Both of these dudes SUCK!!!

The Quotable Pam Anderson

Obviously there's a lot to say about Ms. Pam. She captures the cultural zeitgeist, she has horifying taste in men, she's #1 grade A wank material and she's the most quotable American since Mark Twain.

I kind of think she's awesome because she the most self aware, do what I want, bimbo in the world. Right after me of course.
Check out the choicest goodies from her recent Daily Mail interview. For the record, John Waters has yet to give me a standing ovation and my breasts look the same in person as they do in the movies. Hee!

'When...Kid Rock saw the film Borat he wasn’t pleased, and we ended up divorcing shortly afterwards. It wasn’t the reaction I was looking for... He (Sasha Baron Cohen) said to me beforehand, ‘Are you sure you want to do this? You’re being very brave’, because he really didn’t know what was going to happen...I told him it would be a blast and just to do whatever he had to do. I was upside down in a bag most of the time, but the adrenaline rush...was exhilarating.'

'Everyone has to be naked in Hugh Hefner's jacuzzi because he doesn't want lint collecting in the drains. Well, that’s what he told me anyway...I’ve had many memorable times there, but none I could mention in a family newspaper... My sons have been to the Mansion plenty of times (they) spend most of their time blushing. They call him Uncle Hef, but they realized he wasn’t their real uncle because I appeared naked in his magazine. They know their mum’s a bit wild.'

'I think I'm banned from the Oscars. I’m still not entirely sure, but since it’s unlikely they’re ever going to give me a statuette, it’s not really a problem. I showed up at the Vanity Fair Oscar party with Liz Hurley...I was wearing a pretty open shirt and a short skirt to that party and some people were giving me looks, but John Waters gave me a standing ovation. I live for moments like those.'

'I don’t think they (her breasts) are that magnificent at all, but something happens when they appear on screen – it’s like they expand or something....all in all, I’d say they’ve had a pretty good career. I’ve basically been tagging along for the ride.'

Pull it Together Man!

George Michael was caught and arrested for possession of crack this weekend. In a public bathroom no less! My god he gets arrested in public bathrooms so much you think he'd look in to adult diapers.

George, I've always supported you, but crack is wack. You have this totally hot bf and a huge English country estate, why are you always messing with male prostitutes and drugs? No, seriously?

Do not turn my karaoke rendition of Careless Whisper from a loving tribute to mocking betrayal. I'm begging you!

Super Aw!

Sorry, I guess I only care about Oprah and Obama today.
Won't you join me in basking in the glory of this picture...via Gawker



















My girlie parts vote YES!!!

Brazil Nation of Obamas

Did you know that under Brazilian election laws you can run for office under any name you want?
Uh, you can, and at least 6 Brazilian politicians think they have a better chance of winning as Barack Obama than whatever name their mama gave them. Sorry Mamas.

Brazil is totally coo-coo-bananas for Obama because, like us, they have a huge, historically disenfranchised, afro-descendant population, and because, I assume, he's awesome.
FYI - There are no John McCains or Sarah Palin's running for office in Brazil.

If you could run under any name in America I think the tickets would be full of Bald Eagle Freedoms, and 911 Never Forgets.

I would run under the nom de guerre Lady Von Do What I Want.

Oprah Again!

Maybe you know, maybe you don't but Ms. Oprah will be on 30 Rock this November!!! They filmed the segment earlier this week and in a press release Tina Fey stated, "I would like to announce that we are officially best friends."

Oprah Changes Lives

Oprah changes lives is something my mom and I say a lot in jest when we're talking about her or her show, but anyone who's watched Oprah with any regularity over the past 20 years knows that she straight up does change lives.

It's the reason why whenever you see Oprah talking to women on the street at least 50% of the time the women break out crying before they can say anything.

There's an article today in the NYTimes about the unstoppable popularity of Oprah in Saudi Arabia where the show has been broadcast since 2004. The weird thing is, only shows on homosexuality are censored. Why weird? Because most women in Saudi Arabia can't drive, can't show any part of their body including their face, and in many cases can't leave their homes. If you want to prop up that kind of strict patriarchal system maybe you shouldn't show Oprah twice a day.

In a country where women are forbidden to vote, or to travel without the permission of a male guardian, a sense of powerlessness can lead women to look for unlikely sources of rescue, Ms. Muhammad explained. “If women here have problems with their fathers or their brothers, what can they do but look to Oprah?” she asked. “The idea that she will come and help them is a dream for them.”

Nayla, the homemaker in Dammam, a Persian Gulf port city, says Ms. Winfrey helps her cope with a society that does not encourage her to have interests. “The life of a woman here in Saudi — it makes you tired and it makes you boring,” she said, sighing.

Like many Saudi women, Nayla struggles with obesity, a major issue in the kingdom because many women are largely confined to their homes and local custom often prevents them from participating in sports or even walking around their neighborhoods.

She says that Ms. Winfrey has inspired her to lose weight and to pursue her education through an online degree course, a method acceptable to her husband since she will not have to leave home.

God Bless you Oprah!

Desperate Times!

I wouldn't normally do this but I think we all need a pick me up on Thursday at 5:45, right? Especially if you're the kind of person who has to leave work, hike to the top of San Francisco and introduce 18 single people to each other.
Oh, just me?? Never mind. Enjoy the dog freaking out at a Vitamin Water bottle via Cuteoverload.


















I could seriously look at him all day, that expression is priceless!

Journey to the Center of the b/tards

I know I'm going to get my tree huggin, elitist, coast centric, liberal card yanked, but here I am, linking to the National Review and Michelle Malkin in the same day.
Seriously people, the RAPTURE.


None the less Malkin has a really good breakdown of the whole Sarah Palin Yahoo account debacle. It's interesting because I had heard of the b/tards only recently in connection to their unorganized but unrelenting harassment of the parents of a teenager who'd committed suicide.
They seem nice.

Another Elitist for Obama

Holy cow!!!! Wick Allison editor in fucking chief of the National Review (for crying out loud!) is now backing Obama. Prepare for the Rapture people.

“Every great cause,” Eric Hoffer wrote, “begins as a movement, becomes a business, and eventually degenerates into a racket.” As a cause, conservatism may be dead. But as a stance, as a way of making judgments in a complex and difficult world, I believe it is very much alive in the instincts and predispositions of a liberal named Barack Obama.

Brad Pitt loves the Gays!!!

God bless him and his beautiful body! Brad Pitt donated $100,000 to defeat Prop 8. That's the CA initiative (I loath initiatives but that's another story) that would strike down our beautiful gay marriage laws. That's no chump change fool, he believes in civil rights.

Confidential to Brad: I now officially forgive you for leaving Jennifer, but don't fuck up again.

Diablo Cody: STFU Haters

I'm not going to go into a whole thing but I love Diablo Cody. She's a bit of a hero to me and I've been kind of amazed at all the hater-aid that's been spewed at her. I don't really get it.

God bless her, she she came back fighting today on, where else, Myspace. Here's my favorite rant lines from ONTD. Consider yourself bitch slapped.

I may have won 19 awards that you don’t feel I earned, but it’s neither original nor relevant to slag on Juno. Really. And you’re not some bold, singular voice of dissent, You are exactly like everyone else in your zeitgeisty-demo-lifestyle pod. You are even like me. (I, too, loved Arrested Development! Aren’t we a pretty pair of cultural mavericks?...)

I’m sorry that while you were shooting your failed opus at Tisch, I was jamming toxic silicon toys up my ass for money. I get why you’re bitter. I took exactly one film class in college and– with the curious exception of the Douglas Sirk unit—it bored the shit out of me.

I’m sorry to all those violent, semi-literate fanboys who hate me for befriending their heroes. I can’t help it if your favorite writer, actor, director, or talk show host likes me. Maybe you would too, if we actually met.

I know my name is fake and that it annoys you. What, do you hate Queen Latifah and Rip Torn, too? Writers and entertainers have been using pseudonyms for years. Chances are, you’re spewing bile under an assumed screen name yourself. I’m sorry if you think I’m like some inked-up quasi-Suicide Girl derby cunt from 2002, but I like my fake name. It’s engraved on an Oscar. Yours isn’t.

BOO-YA!!!

Contribution from a Friend

From my bestie Jeff in Boston, drum roll please.........Worlds shortest man, leggiest women meet.
That pretty much describes it. They bonded over how hard it is to find pants in Trafalgar Square earlier this week.

Lady Chatterley's Luv-ah!

Hehe, I was watching the 1st season of Mad Men last night and in one scene the secretary pool is all giggling over a copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover. They lend it to the new girl with the admonishment, 'Don't read it on the train, people will get the wrong idea about you.'

That's funny to me because I'm reading Lady Chatterley's Lover and I ONLY read it on the train. I wish I could have scanned in the cover of the copy I'm reading because it's this really amazing stylized drawing of a woman all in black except for one pink nipple. It's also, according to the cover, the 1st edition to come out uncensored. Ooh!

There is a lot of sex but nothing that would raise an eyebrow now. I can see how it would make a stir 80 years ago though, it deals with some pretty post modern themes. Connie, the protagonist, has a rich, landed but crippled husband who can't service her, so she has a few pretty graphic affairs. One with an Irish writer who gets mad at her for not being able to climax when he does (they call it 'coming to their crisis') and one really juicy one with the studly grounds keeper who she can achieve simultaneous orgasm with.
That's how you know it's love.

I also like it because she's constantly referring to money and fame as 'the bitch goddess', which from now on I will also be calling them. Can you really say bitch goddess enough in one day?
I'm sure things will end disastrously for Connie as is always the case for free thinking women in fiction but what can you do? You gotta read something.

PS. this book has had some amazing cover treatment. You can just see the editor's meeting, "We have to convey sex but only use old paintings and black and white photos so people still know it's LITERATURE.'

You Should Really Thank Me

A lot of things go through my head that aren't funny, or interesting to most people. Subjects that use no slang, abbreviated words or curses. While I obvi know that this isn't the fucking place for those kinds of subjects, bear with me because I'm about to bring up the relationship between our Supreme Court and the high courts of other nations.

Sorry.

So...our Supreme Court was the 1st independent high court in like the whole history of the world. Because we started that and also because of inventing the whole big D Democracy thing foreign constitutional courts have frequently cited our decisions when making decisions in similar cases. The idea being that we knew what's up and were the standard bearer of what would be up in the future. In the last 5-10 years, however, there's been a marked drop in foreign courts citing our decisions. By a lot. Like half and even three quarters in some countries. It doesn't sound like a big deal but it is; it's all part and parcel of the erosion of our moral and political primacy in the world.

Actually before the Roberts court there used to be quite a bit of back and forth citing. Even in 2003 when our Supreme Court overturned that horrible Texas law making gay sex illegal, Kennedy cited 3 decisions of the European Court of Human Rights. However the prevailing mood, lead by Scalia, Alito and Roberts, of the Supreme court now is strict Constitutional interpretation which, basically, makes foreign decisions moot.

OK, fine, maybe you believe that everything anyone ever needed to know about the law was thought out perfectly by like 20 white guys 200 years ago, but it's having a chilling effect on our, America's, influence over international law and our global position in general.

Because A. Guess what Yankee, you don't care what we have to say then we extra don't give a crap about what you have to say. B. We, and by we, I mean the entire world, hate, really viscerally hate, your President and his policies, and do not want to be associated with him or them in any way. C. Yeah, you aren't the only game in town any more. Plenty of other well established Democracies have powerful constitutional courts with tons of decisions to site and um, much better stances on human rights.

Obviously it's more complicated than all that and, if this post didn't bore you enough, read this much longer and more fact filled article in the NYTimes.

If it bored the ba-jesus out of you, scroll down and look at Miley Cyrus's boyfriend in his underwear. Sometimes I just have to get these things out of my system.

PS. Thank you to Kendra for reminding me how to spell

Without Further Comment...

This is Miley Cyrus's new man

Shitstorm

People talk a lot of smack on earthquakes around here but what should really get everyone shaking in their booties is hurricanes. I'm not going to say anything about global warming but you know what's up. Just, you know, take public transit if you can.
Need convincing slash wanna be depressed slash amazed? Check out this slide show of the 13 days of devastation Ike left in from Cuba to Texas.

OMG Hoarders!!!!!!

The weirder the hoarder story the better!
Did I already talk about how Delta Burke hoards furniture and newspapers??? Well that's interesting but that happened a while ago, so...

Much more interesting is what's goin' down outside Macon, Georgia today. Police, following up on a scrap metal theft, found instead a house with hundreds, HUNDREDS, of animals. Not just like cats, literally every animal you can think of; 200 chinchillas, some peacocks, a 'crate of adult dachshunds', 5 porcupines, 2 lamas and a half lama half alpaca. Yeah in the bedroom? What else...a huge tank that police think held alligators, though the alligators were not found.

I gotta say props to Daniel Lee for a real creative use of crazy.
Oh, and he also stole the scrap metal.

Garfield Minus Garfield

Have you seen this???
Dude takes all the Garfields out of Garfield and Jon is shown in all his existential misery. It's weirdly compelling.

More Art!

In the spirit of trying to ignore olotics-pay till after Ovember-nay, let's jut soak up the beauty of Liza Lou's beaded kitchen. Ah!

Yes, it's a full sized kitchen completely made out of those teeny tiny glass beads that 12 year old girls make their own jewelry out of. Yeah, wow.

The kitchen was completed years ago but I was reminded of it by an interview I heard with her on This American Life about obsessions. This took here 5 effing years to complete and she worked more than 8hr a day every day. This is no hobby, people, it's def an obsession.

So check out some details from Kitchen and then some photos of her in progress work which is a freaking backyard with over 1 million individually beaded blades of grass!!!



































































































See isn't that nicer than angry election talk???
YOU'RE WELCOME

Out of the Iron Lung, into the Manhole

I know you've all been worried about Ms. Elizabeth Taylor's health but word on the street, slash People Magazine online, has it that she was holding court at her favorite gay bar last Thursday. Her first time out in months.
Aw.
I love this quote, 'Before she was wheeled outside, an assistant placed a pair of rhinestone sunglasses on the ever-stylish star. "She needed help getting into the car," says the witness. "As [they] drove away in this gigantic black sedan, all you could see was those sunglasses and a big smile on her face."

Don't you dare die on us Liz!!!! You told me diamonds were forever!!!

Tag! You're it!

So I FINALLY tagged all my posts, which I'm especially lazy about, so if you need to find something that's a possibility. Not sure why you would but anyway.

I thought I would share some of what I learned from tagging my own posts.

What's tagged the most?? Kind of surprise, 10 for Gender, 6 for Republicans (???) 5 for Oprah, 4 for the DNC and California respectively and 3 posts tagged Pregnant Man. Really? Yes really.
My favorite tag?? So far, showing up on only one post, 'Hook for a Hand'. I hope to widen the appeal for posts about hook hands in the future.

Now here's some of my favs on single posts:

For Chain of Weirdness: Birth, Dolphins, Octopus, Porn, Sex
For Pretend Fabulosity: Lynda Barry, Orangutans, Shopping, Unemployment
For Reality TV = World Dominaton: TV, Emmys, Mental Illness
and my favorite
For Aggregator? I Just Met Her: Birth, Competitive Eating, Ecstasy, Gender, Itches, Neurology, NYTimes, Oprah, Pregnant Man, Real Dolls, Ticks, Women

That's definately the kind of party I wanna be at!

MIA's Clothing line!

Um, not sure if I can pull of this ensemble but I'm still super excited about her new line! Check out all the goods here.
Warning: Do not open site if you are prone to epileptic seizures.

All in all they're actually pretty reasonably priced for people who aren't me. Though, ahem, my birthday is coming up next month.

Stuffy, meet the Absurd

I personally love, LOVE Jeff Koons, but he's getting all kinds of shit from stuck up Frenchies over his exhibit at the palaces of Versailles. I mean, people are literally protesting in the street! All blah, blah, America's invading the sanctity of our cultural out posts and cheapening our history, blah, blah, blah!
Of course, the show is called, "Ushering in Banality" but it's totally meant in an artsy, opposite day kind of way.

I'm all for it, the juxtaposition of his work with the art work of the palace is ridiculously awesome and sheds a whole new light on some of his more familiar work.
My favorites below and for the full court press check the NYTimes slideshow.
PS. Doesn't the MJ and Bubbles sculpture just fit right in!

OMG Higgs Boson!!!!

It's on like Donkey Kong people! The physicists at CERN (finally) flipped the switch on the Large Hadron Collider earlier this morning. Well earlier this morning Swiss time so last night.

Good news! Switzerland did not become a black hole, or a series of black holes, and nothing has been extruded through the fabric of time and space. YET.
Actually nothing has happened yet. They sent like 1 proton through the 17 mile course and they won't be up to 5 trillion electron volt speed till much later in the fall.

Once slash IF they end up turning the clock back to a trillionth of a second after the big bang I'll let you know. Though I'd be a lot more impressed if they could just explain the popularity of the Hills to me. I mean I watch a lot of shitty reality tv, but I just don't get that shit.

Related: Heidi and Spencer working with Mattel on their own Ken and Barbie dolls. Blech!

WHY?WHY?WHY? WHEN?WHEN?WHEN?

I can't take it anymore!!!
I'm getting an ulcer and a herniated disk and, I think, gigantism, from stressing over this election. Every time I open a web browser or turn on the radio or talk to anyone my blood pressure shoots up 20 points or degrees or decibels or whatever AND I get a cavity.
Wahhhh!
Living in an echo chamber doesn't help. The bf and I calculated that there's only 3 kinds of political conversation and they all suck.

1. I agree with you now lets one up each other on how horrible the opponent is and take turns describing the nuclear winter that will be the inevitable result of his election.

2. I disagree with you and you and you are an idiot! How can you be saying that??? You and all the other idiots like you are the reason for everything that's ever gone wrong in this country. EVER!

3. I disagree with you and you're out arguing me, and now a blood vessel has burst in my forehead because I can't get across to you how monumentally important all this like, stuff is about you know, wars and like the environment and, um, STOP TWISTING MY WORDS AROUND YOU JACKASS!!!!!

No good can come from any of these discussions.
So for the next 54 whatever days I'm just going to do yoga and hum and try to go to my happy place. Come with me...it's safe there!

Heartless

Heehee! You know how they've been playing Heart's 'Barracuda' whenever anyone mentions Sarah Palin's name or she walks across a stage???
Well guess who was none too pleased about that?
Yeah, Heart.


Their first response was Thursday morning after hearing their song used in concert with Palin's appearance.

"We have asked the Republican campaign publicly not to use our music. We hope our wishes will be honored."

Polite but fair.
BUT! then the Republican's went and used it again last night, completely pissing off all Heart members, making them feel, "...completely fucked over"
So they had to, you know, for real now, make it clear,

"Sarah Palin's views and values in NO WAY represent us as American women. We ask that our song 'Barracuda' no longer be used to promote her image. The song 'Barracuda' was written in the late 70s as a scathing rant against the soulless, corporate nature of the music business, particularly for women...While Heart did not and would not authorize the use of their song at the RNC, there's irony in Republican strategists' choice to make use of it there."

Jeez Louise GOP! What do you need? Sky writing? Smoke signal? A subliminal brain wave sent through your molars by the IMF???
STOP PERVERTING A RAD SONG ALREADY!!!!!!!!

I couldn't do it...

The last day of the RNC went off without me. Boo.
I hovered over it in my tivo list 4 different times but I just couldn't pull the trigger. Chances of me watching it over the weekend while it's sunny and in the 80's?
Not good, people, not good.
I much prefer good times.

The hardest night yet!

Last night's RNC speeches required a Large amt of groaning and fast forwarding. I barely made it through any of Rudy Guliani's speech but I tried, tried, tried to make it through Palin's.

To me she is Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, but for reals.
'I may just be a humble hockey mom from Alaska, I may not understand your 'plumbing' and your 'foreign policy' and some in the LIBERAL MEDIA might consider me unqualified but I'm going to Washington to serve the proud people of America, not drink lattes and talk with foreign leaders who want to nuke our babies.
She also spent the 1st 10min (!) of her speech talking about her kids and her husband. Though not THAT KID. She concentrated mainly on the one who's being deployed to Iraq on Sept 11th and the one she didn't abort for having Down's Syndrome.


I will say that her husband is super hot! Holy cow!
The whole time I was watching her speech I was ping ponging between irritated huffing, puffing noises and pure wonderment that there are two people in their 40s who are this good looking living in Alaska. Are you with me???


Lastly, and just for fun (!) here's the AP's rundown of all the out and out lies and mere gross exaggerations Palin and other Republican's spouted in the past 2 days. For fun!

Taking the bullet for you!

It's much, much, harder to listen to speeches from outside my comfy liberal echo chamber, but here's some, very, superficial reactions to the 1st real day of the RNC.










1. To me this looked like cowboy sperms swimming towards the cowboy egg. I'm sorry but I could not watch his speech. Honestly I'm pretending he's not still where he is which I won't even name because that makes it hard to pretend he's not there. If that makes any sense.

2. Fred Thompson had something stuck in his throat and coughed a lot. Also he is really old, but folksy.

3. I was able to stand Joe Lieberman because I knew he was McCain's first pick for VP and I know they're both sad about not getting to run together cause they're besties. Of course Lieberman's semi almost Democratic politics went over with the conservative wing of the GOP about as well as a bill to hand out condoms, meth and Queer Eye dvds in every elementary school playground. Poor little jerk face.

More tomorrow, I'm really looking forward to Sarah Palin's speech. Obvi we've heard a lot about her and her outdoorsily named children but the only words I've heard her say is that endlessly recycled sound byte about being a 'hockey mom'.
So more to come!

Even when it hurts a Republican....

It still makes a kitten cry when real policy issues get ignored. Sometimes 2 kittens, if it involves teen pregnancy.
I'm not 100% sure about the math involved.

And now for the RNC

Seeing Sarah Palin like this is the closest I've ever come to voting Republican.

Damn them!!!
Their pandering is working!!!!

I will try to watch the speeches tonight and let you know if anything worthwhile happens, but I can't make any promises.